


Traumatized

by alleycat35



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-13 10:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3378263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alleycat35/pseuds/alleycat35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam recently went through a traumatic experience, and his bandmates are having trouble understanding why he is not acting like himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Liam inhaled deeply, savouring the crisp autumn air. He was only home in Wolverhampton for one more night before he had to fly to New York City to prepare for the next leg of the tour with the other One Direction boys. He had stayed home to finish packing while his family went to run errands, and he had finished packing surprisingly early, so he decided to take a long walk to unwind and enjoy the weather.

As he strolled through one of the city parks, he took comfort in the familiarity of his surroundings and smiled fondly at the peacefulness of the afternoon. It wouldn't be long before he would be back into the hectic routines of the tour, so he was grateful for the fact that the five of them had been given the chance to go home for a week and spend time with their families. He was also fairly grateful that there weren't many people out and about at this particular time, since it was in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday. He normally got recognized quite a bit in his hometown, and though he was always happy to meet fans, he was also happy to have the opportunity to just clear his mind and relax for one more night before heading to North America.

As he was leaving the park, he spotted a little convenience store across the street and decided to pop in and get something to drink. He strode into the shop and smiled politely at the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper smiled back but evidently did not recognize Liam as a celebrity, which was perfectly fine with Liam.

Liam headed to the far side of the store and began to peruse the drink options that were available. He faintly heard the bell dinging as the store’s door opened again, but he didn’t think anything of it until he heard a gruff voice say, “Give me everything in the cash register.”

Liam froze. Had he heard that correctly?

“Okay, okay, take it easy,” he heard the shopkeeper mumble.

Liam’s heart leaped into his throat. Was this really happening? He turned his head ever so slightly and peered toward the counter out of the corner of his eye. There was a man standing at the counter with his back to Liam, pointing a handgun at the shopkeeper. 

A gun. There was a man with a gun in the shop.

Liam broke out into a sweat. He could not take his eyes off of the gun in the robber’s hand. There was an actual gun being pointed at a person. Someone had to do something. Someone. Liam.

Liam.

Liam had to do something.

Ever so slowly, Liam knelt down out of sight behind the rack of magazines that was in front of him. He tried his absolute best not to make a single sound; he was barely breathing. His heart was pounding in his ears, and he was convinced that it was loud enough for the robber to hear.

With trembling hands, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed 911.

He held the phone to his ear and tried to take a deep, quiet breath so that he wouldn't pass out, but he was suddenly wrought with panic; how was he supposed to communicate with the 911 dispatcher?

“911, what’s your emergency?” he heard someone say on the other end of the line.

He gulped. “Help…” he breathed into the receiver. “Please send someone.” 

“I’m sorry, son, I didn't catch that. Can you give me an address?”

Liam’s mind raced. What WAS the address of this place? He whispered back, “A... store across from Midway Park… please… there’s a…”

“Who’s there?” he heard a booming voice say within the store.

Liam’s heart stopped.

“Don’t you fucking move,” the robber said in the general direction of the shopkeeper. Liam squeezed his eyes shut as he heard footsteps approaching him. He felt something hard and metallic pressed against the back of his neck, and the color instantly drained from his face. He instinctively held up his hands in surrender.

“You think you’re so smart, don’t you, kid?” Liam’s phone was snatched from out of his hand and promptly hurled at the floor beside him. It shattered across the grey tiles. 

“Nice fucking try,” growled the robber. “Empty your pockets.”

Liam was paralyzed with terror. He kept his hands up beside his ears.

Liam suddenly yelped with pain as the butt of the gun came down hard on his left shoulder.

“I SAID EMPTY YOUR GODDAMNED POCKETS!” yelled the robber, pointing the gun at the back of Liam’s head again.

Trembling, Liam reached into his pockets and pulled out a handful of change. He had left his wallet at home, so he didn't have anything else in his pockets. He held his hand flat, displaying the pocket money to the robber.

“That’s it?” he growled. He smacked Liam’s hand, causing the coins to scatter across the floor. Liam shook violently with fear.

“That’s all you've got, huh?” He wound back and smashed the barrel of the gun against the back of Liam’s head. Liam gasped with pain as the blow to the head caused his vision to blur. He fell forward and threw his hands down to the ground to break his fall.

He felt the robber rummage through his pockets. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Stupid fucking kid.”

Liam suddenly felt a blow to his stomach and promptly collapsed to the floor. The robber kicked him again, this time in the rib cage. This knocked the wind right out of Liam. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to catch his breath. The robber kicked him again in the same spot, causing him to cry out in pain. There was nothing that he could do to defend himself, knowing that the robber had a gun.

He yelped as he was kicked again, and again, and again.

There was a pause, then the robber kicked him one last time in the hip. He spat on Liam’s back and muttered, “worthless piece of shit.” Liam heard his footsteps as he slowly retreated toward the counter.

“You,” the robber said to the shopkeeper, “you must have a safe somewhere in the back. Take me to it.”

“Yessir,” said the shopkeeper calmly, slowly moving toward the door marked “Employees Only.” 

Liam simply lay on the ground, gasping for air. His eyes stung with tears. He felt completely powerless. There was nothing he could do but wait for all of this to be over.

He lay sprawled out on the ground, trying to breathe through the pain that now wracked his body. He listened intently, trying to figure out what was happening in the back room, but he couldn't hear anything but faint voices travelling through the walls.

 _Just breathe,_ he thought. _Just breathe. Everything will be fine. Just breathe._

But everything was not fine. He had no idea what was happening to the shopkeeper. He couldn't call for help because his phone was now lying on the floor in pieces. He couldn't scream because the robber would hear him before anyone else did. He couldn't do anything. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

He heard shouting from the back room. He jammed his right fist into his mouth to stop himself from screaming. He thought he heard the robber say something along the lines of “hurry the fuck up,” but he wasn't sure. He bit down onto his hand so hard that he tasted blood.

He had no idea how long he had been lying there, but after what seemed like a year, the door to the back room burst open, and Liam dared to look up just in time to see the robber come sprinting out with a burlap sack in his hand.

At that moment, the front door to the store flew open, and a voice shouted, “FREEZE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!”

The robber skidded to a halt and raised his hands in the air. “Son of a…” he mumbled. Liam saw two police officers come into view. A male officer kept his gun pointed at the criminal, while his female partner swiftly approached him and handcuffed him while reading him his rights. 

After the woman had escorted the robber out of the store, the male officer, keeping his gun elevated, surveyed the store. He spotted Liam lying on the ground. “Are you all right, lad?” he called out. 

“Yeh…” Liam whispered shakily.

The officer approached Liam carefully, still looking around the store. “Is there anyone else here?” he asked.

Liam gulped. “Just the shopkeeper in the back.”

The officer nodded. “The perpetrator was alone, then? There are no other robbers hiding around?”

Liam shook his head.

The officer quickly headed into the back room to tell the storekeeper that it was safe to come out, making sure to announce his presence before entering. Liam stayed motionless on the floor.

The storekeeper and police officer emerged from the back. The storekeeper hurried over to Liam and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Are you all right, son? I saw him kicking you, but there was nothing that I could do to stop him!”

“I’m fine,” whispered Liam. 

The shopkeeper extended a hand to help Liam. He noticed the pieces of Liam’s phone lying scattered across the floor. “I’m sorry about your phone, too. Thank you for trying to call for help!”

Liam’s eyes narrowed in confusion as he rose to his feet. “…how did the police…”

“I pressed a button underneath the counter to activate a silent alarm,” said the shopkeeper. “The police were on their way almost immediately. I tried to stall the robber for as long as possible so that he would still be here when the police got here. Thank God they got here as quickly as they did!”

Liam nodded slowly, processing the information.

“You look pretty shaken up, lad,” said the officer. “I’ll take you home, but first, I just need to ask you a few questions, since you were an eyewitness.”

Liam nodded, though he didn't really hear anything the officer said. 

The shopkeeper guided Liam to a chair behind the counter so that he could sit down. The officer asked Liam some questions about what he saw. Liam answered to the best of his availability, but he didn't quite register what was coming out of his mouth. Afterward, he wouldn't remember a single thing that the officer asked him.

“All right, thank you very much. That’s all I need from you. Now, let’s get you home.”

Liam’s head was spinning. All he could see was the gun being pointed at his head, then the smashed pieces of his cell phone. He tasted blood. He felt a searing pain on his shoulder. He heard his own heart pounding.

“Is this the right place?”

Liam blinked and found himself sitting in the front seat of the police cruiser. He hazily looked out the window and saw that they were parked in front of his house. He hadn't even remember getting into the cruiser or telling the officer where he lived.

“Yeah,” he said dimly. “Umm… thank you for the ride.”

He stumbled out of the car and in through the front door of his house. His family hadn't come home yet. He trudged up the stairs to his bedroom with a zombie-like expression on his face and flopped down onto his bed. He grabbed one of his pillows and pulled it close to his chest, curling up into a ball. He hadn't even taken off his shoes.

He was still in shock over what he had just experienced. He felt numb. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He could barely breathe. He just lay there with wide-open eyes, trying to make sense of his afternoon. 

At some point, he heard the front door open. He faintly heard somebody calling his name, followed by footsteps on the stairs. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to relax his body and assume a more natural sleeping position. He was not ready to talk to anyone about what happened. He still wasn't convinced that any of it was real.

The door to his room opened. “Li?” called Ruth softly. Her eyes fell upon Liam curled up on top of his sheets. “Ohhh,” she whispered. “Look, Nicola; he must have been exhausted."

Ruth tiptoed up to Liam’s bed and carefully slid Liam’s shoes off of his feet. She grabbed the small throw blanket that had been folded up on the chair in his room and carefully draped it over him. “Night, baby brother,” she whispered, slipping out of the room, turning off the light and closing the door behind her.

When Liam was alone again, he breathed a long sigh. He was grateful that his sisters had believed that he was sleeping. It had occurred to him that he couldn't possibly tell his family what had happened; they would be so worried about him. He knew that his mother and sisters would panic especially, and that was the last thing that he wanted to be responsible for. Besides, he knew that if his parents knew what he had been through, they would insist on him staying home. He couldn't do that; his bandmates needed him on tour. He would just need to keep this to himself.

He took a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes once again. Before too long, he had managed to drift into a restless sleep.

****************************************

“LIAM!” shouted Niall, throwing his arms around him.

Liam smiled weakly, returning the hug. He had just been dropped off at the hotel in Times Square, where the other boys had been waiting for him. (Niall, Harry, Louis, and Zayn had all taken earlier flights.)

“Hey, lads,” he said, putting on the biggest grin that he could muster.

“You all right, Li?” asked Harry. “You look a little pale.”

Liam nodded. “Just a little tired is all.”

Liam wasn't being completely dishonest; he had slept terribly that night. He just didn't mention that he was traumatized after being held at gunpoint the day before. He had used the fatigue excuse on his family that morning; they had noticed that Liam wasn't particularly responsive at breakfast time, but he had simply brushed off their concerns, saying that he was tired and a little apprehensive about the upcoming performance. (They bought it completely and assured him that he had nothing to be worried about and that they were sure to kill it on stage, as usual.)

Louis grabbed Liam’s suitcase. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll help you bring your stuff up to your room.”

“We’ll wait down here for you guys,” said Zayn. “Niall wanted to check out the game room.”

“Of course,” said Louis, rolling his eyes playfully. He headed in the direction of the elevators, and Liam followed like a lost puppy.

Louis was all smiles. He was really happy to see all of the lads again, but he had missed Liam in particular. “How was your vacation, Payno?” he asked cheerfully, as the elevator doors closed.

“Good, and yours?” asked Liam.

“Was great. I relaxed as much as I could when the little ones weren't bugging me to play, and I got in a few games of footie with some mates back home. Good to back with you lads, though,” he said with a grin.

“Yeah,” said Liam, smiling halfheartedly. 

Louis cocked his head to the side. “What’s with you, Payno?” he asked. “You’re not yourself.”

“Just tired,” Liam said again. “Noisy plane ride over.”

Louis frowned a little. It wasn't like Liam to be this short. He was normally quite pleasant, even when he wasn't well-rested. In fact, you could normally tell he was tired when he was abnormally giggly. 

“Fair enough,” he said anyway. “Fortunately, we don’t have any rehearsals or anything scheduled for today, so we can just take it easy.”

When they reached the seventh floor of the hotel, Louis led Liam down a hallway to his room and pulled out a room key. “Lucky you,” he said. “You got your own room. I have to share a bed with Harry.” He made a mock disgusted face, even though sharing a bed with Harry really didn't bother him at all.

Liam’s heart sank. Having a single room made him feel slightly left out every now and then, but he normally didn't mind having some space to himself. This time, however, the last thing that he wanted was to be alone. 

“Liam?” asked Louis, looking at Liam sideways.

“Hmmm?” said Liam, realizing that he hadn't responded to Louis at all.

“Everything all right?” 

“Yeah, yeah of course,” he said feebly.

Louis remained unconvinced, but he dropped the subject. 

Liam desperately wanted to tell Louis what had happened, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn’t know why exactly. He did know that he didn't want to burden Louis with the tale of his terrifying ordeal because he knew that Louis would worry. He also didn't want any of the boys to think that he was under-prepared for the show that they were about to put on; they were performing in Madison Square Gardens, which was a big deal. Also, though he trusted all of the lads with his life, he was afraid that the story of his experience would somehow get leaked to the press, and he didn't need the entire world pitying him. The only people that knew what had happened were the shopkeeper, the police officers, and the culprit himself, and Liam planned to keep it that way.

Once they were in the hotel room, Louis set Liam’s suitcase down on the bed. He turned to Liam with a smile and said, “everyone’s a bit jet-lagged, so we were thinking of taking it easy today and watching movies in Niall and Zayn’s room.”

Liam relaxed a little and smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

Louis smiled back. “We’re just going to head out and grab some snacks first. Come on.”

Liam’s body seized as the image of the man standing at the counter of the convenience store holding a gun flashed before his eyes. Realizing that Louis was staring at him, he did his best to keep the tension from showing upon his face.

“No, that’s okay, you lads go on without me. I think I’ll just get settled here first.”

Louis looked somewhat taken aback. “All right… we’ll come grab you when we get back.”

“Cool, see you soon!” said Liam, giving Louis yet another awkward smile. Louis returned the smile and nodded, heading out the door.

When he got back down to the lobby, Harry took notice of Louis’ furrowed brow. "What's up, Lou?" he asked.

Louis shrugged. "Something's up with Liam, but I don't know what. I feel like he's not very happy to see us."

Zayn raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Idunno... I feel like he's avoiding us. He doesn't seem to want to talk at all, and he didn't even want to come with us to get snacks."

Harry rubbed Louis' shoulder. "Don't take it personally. He's obviously tired from travelling, and he might be feeling a little homesick, since he just said goodbye to his family this morning."

Louis nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right." Louis knew that it was selfish of him to be taking Liam's behaviour so personally, but he couldn't help it; he had been so looking forward to seeing Liam, but Liam didn't seem to want anything to do with him.

"Don't worry, Lou," said Niall. "We'll get him to loosen up. Let's get him some Pringles and chocolate and put on a good movie."

Louis smiled. "Good idea, Ni."

Harry put his arm around Louis, and the four lads headed off on a snack run.

**************

Meanwhile, Liam was sitting on the edge of his bed in his hotel room, staring blankly ahead.

He didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't want to be alone, but the last place he wanted to be was a convenience store or bodega. In fact, he felt tense about leaving the hotel at all, since he was in one of the most dangerous cities in the world. 

He laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He felt so numb. He had hardly slept that night; though he had managed to fall asleep initially, he kept waking up in a panic, reliving the experience at the convenience store over and over again. Every time he dozed off, he dreamed that there was a gun pointed at the back of his head. He found the process of going to sleep and then promptly being snapped awake by nightmares to be unbelievably exhausting, so he just stayed awake reading for most of the night, trying to keep his mind off of things. 

At some point, he began to doze off, but he was abruptly awakened by a knock at the hotel room door. 

"Liam! We're back!" called Niall cheerily.

Liam stumbled in the direction of the door and opened it. He was greeted with four smiling faces.

Harry held up a bag full of snacks. "We came prepared!" he said proudly.

Liam smiled and went to grab his room key before he left. He was pretty happy to be able to spend some time with the lads, rather than spending time alone with this thoughts. He hoped that relaxing with his friends and a movie would distract him sufficiently. He happily followed the boys into Niall and Zayn's hotel room.

The boys all piled onto the king-sized bed, and Niall immediately began digging into the snacks. He held out a tube of Pringles to Liam. "Want any?" he asked, shoving a fistful of Cheetos into his mouth.

"I'm all right, thanks," said Liam. He really didn't feel like eating at all. In fact, he hadn't been able to eat anything since before the incident at the store. He had poked at his breakfast in the morning, much to his mother's dismay, and he had turned down all of the food that he was offered on the airplane. He was faintly aware of the hunger pangs in his stomach, but he did not have any appetite whatsoever.

Louis frowned again. It wasn't like Liam to turn down BBQ Pringles.

Zayn started leafing through the movie options on pay-per-view. He quickly spotted his favourite movie in the lineup. "Scarface!" he said excitedly. "You lads don't mind, do you?"

"Nope, sounds good!" said Harry. Louis and Niall nodded in agreement.

Seeing the image of Al Pacino holding a gun in the movie thumbnail made Liam's throat close up a little bit. 

Zayn started up the movie. As soon as the opening credits started to roll, Liam's heart started to pound. 

The gun.

The gun pointed at the shopkeeper.

The gun pointed at him.

He was so overwhelmed with panic that he started to feel dizzy. The other boys were fixated on the screen and didn't seem to notice.

Once the opening music faded out, Liam slowly came back to his senses. When he was alert enough to do so, he stood up from the bed and mumbled something about going to the toilet. He strode into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

The other four boys exchanged glances.

"What's with him?" asked Zayn, innocently.

"I wish I knew," muttered Louis.

Inside the bathroom, Liam leaned back against the closed door and shut his eyes, trying to regain his breath. There was no way that he would be able to sit through that movie. The mere mention of a gun had become a powerful trigger that sent Liam spiraling into a panic.

He shuddered as he tried to keep from reliving the terror that he felt with the gun pointed to his head, the pain of being kicked repeatedly in the rib cage…  
He couldn't very well tell the boys why he couldn't watch Scarface. It wasn't even really a scary movie by typical standards. He would just have to find a way out of watching it. He headed over to the sink to splash some cool water on his face. As the water dripped off of him, he took a few deep, shaky breaths. When he had finally composed himself enough to face his friends, he quickly dried his face and stepped out of the bathroom.

All four boys looked up at Liam expectantly when he reappeared. Liam felt instantly tense, but he tried to look as nonchalant as possible. He mustered a crooked smile and said, “I think I’m actually going to turn in early, lads. I’m bushed.”

They all looked at Liam curiously. Louis looked especially taken aback. “Um, okay, Li,” he said. He was concerned about Liam and was about to offer to walk him to his room, but he stopped himself. As far as Louis could see, Liam obviously wanted to keep his distance from the other boys.

"G'night," Liam said sheepishly, heading to his own hotel room.

Harry glanced over at Louis and noticed the worry etched on his face. "What's wrong, Lou?" he asked.

Louis shrugged. "Nothing. I just... I don't know. I'm a little disappointed, I guess. I was extremely excited to see all of you again, and I guess I just assumed that everyone would feel the same way."

Harry smiled and put his arm around Louis. "Relax. Liam's just tired. Give him a little bit of time. He'll be himself again soon enough."

Louis leaned into Harry's embrace and sighed. "I sure hope you're right."

*****************************************

The next day, Louis could not help but feel like Harry could not have been more wrong.

In the morning, all of the boys headed down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. While Niall, Zayn, Harry, and Louis were all still somewhat drowsy after just waking up, they looked content and well-rested. Liam, on the other hand, was sullen and glassy-eyed. He sat close to Harry but avoided making eye contact with anyone.

Harry noticed that Liam was aimlessly pushing food around on his plate with his fork instead of eating it. "Li," whispered Harry, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Liam mumbled, poking at his scrambled eggs.

"You need to eat something, Liam. When was the last time you put anything in your stomach?"

"I'm fine, Haz. I had a lot to eat yesterday." 

Harry didn't know why Liam even bothered lying. They had all spent most of the previous day together, and Harry had not seen Liam eat a thing.

"Liam," said Harry with a firm, yet sad, tone.

Liam looked up slowly at Harry's wide, pleading eyes. His own eyes widened with sadness. He immediately took a bite of his eggs.

Harry's eyes sparkled. He was pleased with this development, not knowing that the food basically tasted like sawdust to Liam. He nudged Liam affectionately and smiled, then turned his attention back to his own breakfast.

Liam sighed inwardly. He didn't know how he was supposed to get through this day. 


	2. Chapter 2

After breakfast, the boys met up with Paul in the hotel lobby to determine the schedule for the day.

“You boys were supposed to have a few interviews today, but one of them got pushed to tomorrow, so you have the morning and early afternoon off to do some sightseeing if you wish," he said.

“Awesome!” said Niall. “Where should we go?”

“I bet Central Park is GORGEOUS at this time of year,” said Louis, jokingly clasping his hands and fluttering his eyelashes dreamily.

Zayn rolled his eyes but laughed. “I’m sure it’s worth checking out.”

“What about you, Liam? Where do you want to go?” asked Niall.

Liam had been staring at the floor but looked up when he heard his name. “Hmm?”

“Anywhere in particular you’d like to go today?” asked Niall again.

Liam blinked. Truth be told, he did not want to set foot out of the hotel and onto the streets of New York City, but he also didn't want to sit there alone in his hotel room.

"Idunno... um... wherever you lads want to go!" he said, hoping that the cheerfulness in his voice didn't seem as forced as it was.

Zayn raised an eyebrow. "Do you not want to go?"

"'Course I do!" said Liam, wishing that they would all stop looking at him so expectantly. 

Harry sensed that Liam was uncomfortable being put on the spot, so he hooked arms with him and said, "Let's go walk around Times Square for a bit and see where we end up!"

With that, the five boys headed out into the city.

 

******************

As the day went on, Liam's behaviour became somewhat difficult to describe. It seemed as though he was simultaneously clingy and distant. He would always stick close to the boys wherever they went, but he didn't speak unless he was spoken to. He seemed like he was in a permanent daze. He was always around, but he was never really _there._

The truth was that Liam truly did not want to be alone, but he had essentially lost the inability to interact with people. He felt more secure when he was surrounded by familiar people, but he never felt quite safe. 

He still could not bring himself to tell anyone about what happened to him. He felt that it would be selfish of him, seeing as they needed to focus on preparing for their highly-anticipated performance at Madison Square Gardens. Though they had a lot of work to do, the other four boys seemed very excited about the week ahead and carried on rather easily. As for Liam, it was incredibly hard for him to just be in the moment when life seemed so random, unfair, and terrifying.

"Ohh my God, Liam! Look, it's Midtown Comics," said Zayn. "We HAVE to go in!"

He grabbed Liam's arm and dragged him toward the store, motioning for the other boys to follow. Louis gave a dramatic fake yawn and said, "You boys go ahead" with a smile. He, Harry, Niall took a seat on a nearby bench to relax and let Liam and Zayn enjoy their time in comic book heaven. 

Once they were inside, Zayn's eyes lit up like those of a kid in a candy store. He bolted to the nearest set of shelves and started looking through all of the comics that were displayed.

"I don't even know where to start!" he said delightedly.

Liam hovered over Zayn's shoulder while Zayn pored over the ever-abundant delights of the comic book store. At first, Zayn was too absorbed in the merchandise to notice, but eventually, he looked up and noticed Liam standing just to his right, looking absent-mindedly around the store.

"Feel free to look around, Payno. You don't have to follow me."

Liam looked at Zayn, startled. "Right, right," he said, turning toward the shelves. He began pretending to look through the comics, but he wasn't really interested. He really did not want to be more than two feet away from Zayn, but he didn't want Zayn to think that he was being too clingy. He decided that he would just stay close by but pretend to be preoccupied with the comics on display.

After pawing through the Batman comics for a minute or so, he looked up to see what Zayn was looking at, but Zayn was no longer standing to his left.

...where was Zayn?

Liam whipped around. Zayn was nowhere nearby. His heart leapt into his throat. Zayn had left him. He was alone. 

His legs turned to rubber. He looked around frantically again, but he couldn't see Zayn anywhere. How could Zayn do this to him?

He gripped the shelf behind him with white-knuckled hands, trying to steady himself. He started to break out into a sweat.

"Zayn..." he whispered softly.

He had to try to find him. He forced himself to let go of the shelf and set off in search of Zayn.

He stumbled through the aisles of the store. "Zayn..." he sputtered. "Zayn..."

He was starting to panic. What if Zayn and all of the other boys had just left without him? Even worse, what if something happened to Zayn? Liam's breath started to quicken. "Zayn!" he hissed a little more loudly. 

Zayn, who had been perusing some of the action figures, looked over to see Liam come staggering around a corner, looking frightened.

"Liam!" 

Zayn hurried over and grabbed Liam's wrists. He looked into Liam's eyes. "You alright, mate?" Liam looked ghostly pale.

Liam nodded, trying to catch his breath.

"Li, what happened?" Zayn said with concern.

Liam just shook his head and kept his gaze averted.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

Liam just shook his head. "Mfine," he panted. "Just... didn't know where you were."

Zayn's eyes widened. "You were that worried?"

Liam shrugged. "Big city... you know..." As stupid has he felt, he was still so relieved to find Zayn in one piece.

Zayn put his arm around Liam. "I'm sorry, Mate. I didn't realize... I won't leave you alone again."

"S'fine..." Liam said quickly. "Just... uh... maybe don't mention this to the others?"

Zayn smiled. "Relax. It's all good."

They continued to browse the store for a few minutes. Liam slowly regained his composure, but he stayed as close to Zayn as he possibly could. At one point, he subtly hooked his pinky into Zayn's belt loop. Zayn didn't say anything, but he had to stifle a laugh. The fact that Liam was so nervous about being separated in the big store was fairly adorable.

When they decided they had seen enough, they headed out of the store. Liam pulled away from Zayn a little bit so that he wouldn't look so pathetic in front of the others, but Zayn merrily hooked arms with him as they headed over to Harry, Niall, and Louis.

"Where to, next?" asked Zayn.

"Food," grumbled Niall.

Louis laughed and said, "I concur." 

The boys headed in the direction of the nearest pizza place.

They ordered a large pizza to share between them. Louis, Zayn, Harry, and Niall dug in merrily, but Liam just sullenly sipped on a glass of water.

"Li, have thome! Ith fantathtic!" Niall mumbled with his mouth full.

Liam shook is head. "S'okay. Mnot hungry."

Louis stared at Liam with concerned disbelief. All of the boys had noticed that Liam's behaviour was off, but Harry and Niall were continuing to brush it off. Though Liam was uncharacteristically withdrawn, they just assumed that he was tired and homesick. Zayn was under the impression that Liam was still unsettled after what had happened in the comic book store. Louis, however, could not shake the feeling that Liam was concealing something, but he didn't know what it was. On one hand, he was worried about Liam and just wanted to see him smile. On the other hand, he was starting to become resentful of Liam's inability (or unwillingness) to communicate or relax. Deep down, he feared that whatever was bothering Liam had to do with the band, and he was afraid to find out what it was.

"What's the matter, Liam?" Louis asked with a slight edge in his voice.

"Nothing, Lou," muttered Liam, still avoiding eye contact.

Louis sighed. He didn't know how to get Liam to open up. 

Zayn tried to take the heat off of Liam a little bit. He nudged him playfully and said, "I think he's just regretting the fact that he didn't buy the Batman costume that he was eyeing earlier." 

Liam smiled a little. He hadn't even seen whatever costume Zayn was talking about.

Louis went back to eating his pizza, but he kept glancing at Liam out of the corner of his eye. What was UP with him?

*******************************

That evening, they had an interview for some Youtube channel. Liam didn't know what it was for, but he had been dreading the interview all day. He hadn't been able to think straight for several days, so he didn't know how he was going to be able to respond to questions in an interview. He figured that it would be best for him to keep a low profile.

They had the five boys sitting together on a small couch with Harry, Niall, and Zayn squished in on the seat and Louis and Liam perched on the armrests. Some bubbly blonde lady was asking them about their arrival in New York City and the upcoming tour. Liam was in a haze for most of the interview, but he tried to look as nonchalant as possible. He smiled politely when he remembered to, and he laughed whenever he heard the other boys laughing.  
For the first five minutes or so of the interview, Liam had been lucky; no one had asked him any questions directly, so he hadn't had to say anything at all.

He was starting to get relatively comfortable when he overheard the interviewer say something about shooting a new music video sometime soon.

_Shooting._

Liam's heart raced. He was instantly oblivious to anything that the boys were saying and doing. He drifted away from reality as he was once again confronted with the mental image of a gun. All he could think about was that fateful afternoon in the convenience store...

"What about you, Liam? What has been your favourite part of New York City so far?" asked the interviewer.

Liam snapped back to attention. _How much time had passed?_

He focussed his gaze on the lady, who was waiting patiently for his response. "Uhmmm..."

"Oh, Liam LOVED the comic book store," said Zayn, coming to Liam's rescue. "He couldn't stop staring at this one Batman costume. I'm still shocked that he didn't buy it."

Liam smiled feebly. "Yeah... that was cool store..."

Louis kept a smile on his face, but he was secretly becoming very bitter. What was Liam thinking? It seemed like he had been barely conscious for this interview, and he was starting to make them look bad. Was he on drugs?

When the interview was finally over, the boys politely smiled and shook hands with the interviewer. As they were leaving the little studio, Louis whispered, "Jeez, Payno, couldn't you have at least pretended to enjoy yourself?"

Liam's step faltered as if he had tripped over Louis' words. He stopped and stared in disbelief as Louis walked away from him, just behind Niall and Harry. 

Zayn was the only one that had heard Louis. "Don't mind him," he said softly. "I know you've just had a bad day." Liam hadn't even heard Zayn. He just stood there, slack-jawed, watching his bandmates disappear around the corner.

Zayn rested a hand on Liam's shoulder, causing him to jump back and grab his arm protectively. He stared wide-eyed at Zayn.

Zayn's eyes narrowed as he withdrew his hand. "Jeez, Liam, what is your problem?" He turned and began to walk away.

"Z-Zayn..." Liam croaked.

Zayn paused, then turned around. He saw Liam looking back at him with wide, glistening eyes. His lip was trembling.

Zayn's facial expression softened. He took Liam into his arms. Liam held Zayn tightly and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," said Zayn. "You should just try to get a good night's sleep tonight. You're not behaving like yourself."

Liam didn't really have a response, so he just nodded.

"Come on," said Zayn. "We're heading back to the hotel now."

Zayn took Liam by the arm and led him outside to the van, where Paul and the other boys were waiting for them.

"What took you so long?" grumbled Louis from the backseat.

Zayn ignored Louis, while Liam looked at him with sad eyes. Louis just folded his arms and stared out the window.

Zayn and Liam got into the van and closed the door behind them, and Paul started driving in the direction of the hotel.

Liam had no idea what to say to anyone, so he just leaned against the back of his seat and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

Zayn was going to ask Liam if he wanted to talk about it, but he decided against it; he was afraid that pestering him would only send him further back into his shell. He pulled out his phone and put his headphones in to listen to music for the rest of the ride.

Harry and Niall were looking at something stupid on Niall's phone and laughing like a couple of teenagers. Louis was starting bitterly out the window, glancing in Liam's direction every now and then. He didn't understand why Liam wouldn't even talk to anyone, nor why he couldn't be bothered to say anything during the interview. He was starting to wonder if Liam even wanted to be in One Direction anymore.

When this thought crossed Louis' mind, his brow furrowed. What if that was what was on Liam's mind? Maybe while he was away in Wolverhampton, he had decided that he no longer wanted to be in the band. Maybe he was so quiet because he couldn't bring himself to tell anybody that he wanted to quit.

Louis tried to abandon this thought, as it was making him too upset. 

Before long, they were back at the hotel. 

When they got into the elevator to head up to their rooms, Niall piped up, "Do you guys want to hang out and watch another movie tonight?"

"Sure!" said Harry. Zayn and Louis nodded in agreement. The boys then all looked expectantly at Liam.

Liam, feeling completely dejected, said, "You lads go ahead. I think I'm going to go to bed early."

"Again?" said Harry, looking concerned. "Are you feeling all right, Liam?"

"I'm fine," he said. "Just tired." He wasn't lying; he hadn't slept properly in almost three days.

Louis knew that he shouldn't be mad at Liam for wanting to go to bed, but he couldn't help but feel hurt. Did Liam not even want to hang out with them anymore?

When they got to Liam's room, Liam pulled out his room key and unlocked the door. "G'night, everyone," he said quietly, reluctantly heading into his room and closing the door behind him.

"What is his deal..." muttered Louis as the other four boys headed to Niall and Zayn's room.

"Just lay off, Lou. He's tired," said Zayn.

"I know, but..." Louis trailed off.

"But what?" asked Harry.

"Never mind," said Louis. He decided to just drop the subject for now and confront Liam about his stupidity tomorrow. "Let's watch something a little more upbeat than Scarface, this time."


	3. Chapter 3

Liam had been lying awake for almost two hours, staring at the ceiling. He was still so torn up about the fact that Louis was angry with him. He had never meant to upset any of his bandmates. On the contrary, he had been refraining from telling them about his experience in Wolverhampton because he was afraid it would cause a problem. He didn't want any of them to be worried about him or to be focused on anything but their upcoming show. His secret, however, was starting to take its toll on him; the stress symptoms were only getting worse. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep... sometimes, he could hardly _breathe._

He would have to talk to Louis in the morning. He didn't know what he would say, but he knew he had to talk to him. Should he just be honest and explain why he has been so unfocused lately, or should he try to come up with some other excuse for his behaviour?

As he weighed his options, his eyelids became heavier and heavier. Exhaustion had taken hold of his body. Before long, he dozed off. **************************** 

_"Don't you fucking move," hissed the gunman, "or I'll kill every last one of you."_

__

_"No!" gasped Liam. "Please..."_

__

_"I SAID DON'T YOU FUCKING MOVE!"_

__

_Liam shook with terror and kept his hands in the air. "Please, not again!" he begged._

__

_"You worthless piece of shit, you asked for it."_

__

_Louis' voice entered the room. "Liam, what's going on in..." He stopped talking when he saw a man pointing a gun at Liam's head._

__

_The man lifted his gun and turned to his right, pointing the gun straight at Louis Tomlinson's heart._

__

_"NO!" Liam screamed._

__

_The man pulled the trigger._

****************************

Liam sat bolt upright in bed, panting. Tears streamed down his cheeks. "Louis..." he whimpered.

He looked around in a panic. He was alone. _Where was Louis? Where were Niall, Zayn, and Harry? What had that horrible man done to them?_

He gulped and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to figure things out. When he opened his eyes, he looked around again. He was alone, but he was alone in his hotel bed. None of it had been real. His friends weren't with him, but they were safe.

He lowered his head and sighed loudly with relief, but he was still shaking like a leaf. He leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes. He knew that there was no chance that he would be able to fall asleep, but he had to try.

As he tried to find comfort, he inadvertently let his mind wander back to Louis and the other boys. He didn't know what he was going to say to Louis. More than anything, he wanted to seek out his best friends for comfort and tell them about what had happened, but he could not do that to them; he would not willingly burden them with the tales of his ordeal.

He blinked back tears and prepared himself for another sleepless night.

 

*******************

Harry could not stop staring at Liam across the breakfast table. There was absolutely no colour in the boy's cheeks, and his eyes were dull and glassy. 

Beside Harry, Louis was also watching Liam carefully. As per usual, Liam wasn't making eye contact with them. In fact, he hadn't said a word to anyone at all that morning.

"Potatoes, Liam?" Zayn was sitting to the left of Liam, offering him a casserole dish full of hashbrowns.

Liam shook his head drowsily. 

''More for me!" said Niall with a grin, cheerfully grabbing the dish from Zayn.

"You've got to eat _something,_ " Zayn said to Liam. He tried to sound casual, as though he was offering a friendly suggestion, but Harry could hear the pleading edge in his voice.

"M'not hungry," Liam mumbled, still staring down toward the table with barely open eyes.

"He speaks," muttered Louis. Zayn looked over at Louis and raised his eyebrow, but Louis ignored Zayn's glance and focused his attention on his food, grumpily stabbing at the stack of pancakes on his plate with his fork.

"Are you sick?" whispered Harry, looking at Liam with wide, sparkling eyes.

Liam shook his head again. 

"What's wrong, then?" Harry asked. Louis and Liam both tensed up, hearing the sadness in Harry's voice.

"Nothing," Liam said softly. "Just didn't sleep well is all."

Louis silently played with his food for a minute, then suddenly said, "Do we need to schedule an intervention for you, Liam? You're starting to look like an addict."

It took a minute for Liam to process what Louis had just said. He looked up at him incredulously. "You.... you think that..."

"Oh, come off it, Liam. I was making a joke," Louis said, sounding uncharacteristically irritated.

"Lads, relax..." said Zayn. He instinctively shifted closer to Liam, suddenly feeling oddly protective.

Harry was opening his mouth to say something when Paul strode over to the table.

"Morning, boys," he said with a yawn. "I've got a few announcements. Zayn, they need you in the studio today; there was some kind of problem with one of the tracks that was recorded before you guys went on holiday, and they apparently need to rerecord a few of your parts."

Zayn groaned.

"It shouldn't take too long," he said reassuringly, "but they want to get it done as soon as possible."

"It's fine," said Zayn. "When am I going to do it, though? Do we even have time today?"

"That's the other thing," said Paul, reading something on his phone screen. "You boys have a radio interview this morning, but I just got a memo that the studio is really small, so they can only take three of you. Zayn might as well head off to take care of the recordings during that time. You'll just need to decide amongst yourselves who will do the interview.

The boys glanced around the table at each other.

"You lads go ahead; I'll sit this one out," said Liam quickly.

"What a surprise," said Louis under his breath, only loud enough for Harry to hear. Harry swatted Louis' arm.

"All right, that's settled, then. Harry, Niall, and Louis, there will be a car coming to pick you up in about an hour, so go get freshened up or whatever you need to do as soon as you're finished eating. Zayn, meet me in the lobby in in about ten minutes."

He headed off to make a phone call.

Louis, Harry, and Niall quickly finished eating and headed back up to their rooms to finish eating. "We'll see you lads later on!" Niall called on his way out the door.

This left Liam and Zayn at the table. 

Zayn was studying Liam carefully, taking in the sight of his hollow, ashen cheeks. _Was Liam losing weight?_

"What's going on, Liam?" asked Zayn. "Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine," said Liam.

"Yeah, you keep saying that," said Zayn. He lifted his arm to give Liam a hug, but he hesitated at first, remembering how Liam had flinched yesterday. He gently draped his arm over Liam's shoulders, and much to his surprise, Liam seemed to melt into his touch; his eyes closed, and his body relaxed. Zayn slid a little closer, and Liam leaned over and rested against Zayn.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Zayn asked quietly.

"I'm just tired," Liam mumbled. "Didn't really sleep last night."

Paul walked back over to the table, looking anxiously at his phone. "Zayn, do you mind if we head to the studio now? The sooner they get the recording done, the better."

"Yeah, sure," Zayn said, giving Liam a quick squeeze before straightening up.

"Do you want to come along for the ride, Liam?" asked Paul.

Zayn looked down at Liam. "It's probably best if Liam says behind and tries to catch up on some sleep. Don't you think, Li?"

Liam swallowed. "Yeah... yeah, probably."

Liam did not want to be left behind at the hotel. Even though he wasn't capable of being social, he still wanted to be around people he loved and trusted, not sitting alone in the middle of a big, strange, terrifying city. He desperately wanted to go with Zayn to the recording studio, but he didn't want to seem too clingy, especially after what had happened in the comic book store.

"All right, we'll be back in a few hours," said Paul. "Let's go, Zayn."

"Get some rest, Li!" Zayn called over his shoulder.

"I will," said Liam, putting on a little smile just for Zayn. 

Liam looked down at the table full of food that he just couldn't bring himself to eat and sighed. He stood up from the table and slowly began making his way up to his hotel room.

On the elevator ride up, he tried to think of something to do while the other boys were gone that would keep his mind off of everything. He eventually decided that he would try to be productive and do some songwriting. Maybe he could borrow Niall's guitar to play around with.

When he stepped out of the elevator onto his floor, he spotted Niall near the end of the hallway, waiting outside of Harry's and Louis' room.

Niall looked up from his phone when he heard footsteps approaching him and smiled at Liam. "Hey, Liam. What are you up to?"

Liam shrugged. "Just headed back to my room. I thought I might try to write some songs, since I have free time. I was wondering if I could borrow your guitar for a bit."

Niall smiled. "Always the responsible, productive one. Sure, just let me run in and grab it!" He jogged over to his hotel room and went inside to grab the guitar.

Just then, the door to Harry' and Louis' room opened, and Louis stepped out. He looked oddly surprised to see Liam.

"Hey," he said stiffly. "What, um... what're you doing?"

"Just going back to my room. Going to see if I can get a song or two written."

Louis' mouth formed a thin line. "That's nice," he said.

He and Liam usually wrote songs _together._ Now, instead of doing interviews with the rest of the lads, Liam was going to sit alone in his room and write music. Louis was beginning to wonder if Liam was planning to abandon them completely to embark on his solo career. 

Harry came out of the hotel room just as Niall came out of his running up to Liam with a guitar in his hands. "Here you are, mate!" he said, handing it over.

"Thanks, Ni. I promise I'll give it back in one piece."

Niall smiled. "Nah, I trust you." He turned to Louis and Harry. "You lads ready?"

"I'm good," said Harry. Louis nodded in agreement.

"All right, then. We'll catch up with you later, Li!" said Niall.

"Have fun with the interview," Liam said softly.

"Oh, we will," said Louis tersely, as the three of them headed down the hall.

Harry looked at Louis' face and frowned. "What's up with you, Lou?"

Louis sighed. He knew that he was being immature about the whole thing. "Nothing," he said. "It's nothing. Just annoying that we can't all be there for the interview."

"It's no big deal," said Niall. "We'll have others."

"Yeah, I know," said Louis. "It's just... I feel like we've kind of been getting... you know, _separated,_ lately."

Harry put his arm around Louis. "We're all just readjusting to tour life after being away for a bit. We'll be back to normal soon."

Louis thought back to Liam again. He desperately hoped that Harry was right.

***********************

Liam strummed the guitar gently. He was starting to like the chord progression that he had stumbled upon. He put the guitar pick in his mouth and scribbled down a few notes on the notepad that sat on the floor beside him. 

He wasn't feeling particularly creative today, but the music had been doing a good job of keeping him occupied for the past hour and a half or so. Whenever he sat alone without anything to distract him, his mind would wander into dangerous territory. When he played the guitar, he was able to let his mind go completely blank. It was like meditation. So far, it had been his only respite from the terrifying thoughts that had been plaguing him for the past three days.

He put the pen down, took the pick out of his mouth, and resumed playing. He closed his eyes as the peaceful melody surrounded him, echoing against the walls of the hotel room.

_Knock knock._

The guitar pick slipped through Liam's fingers and fell inside the hole of the guitar. Liam's body seized up in panic. Someone was at the door. Someone wanted inside of his room.

He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something to stop them, but he was completely frozen with fear.

He heard some fumbling, then a low _beeeep_ as someone used a key card to unlock the door.

Liam's heart pounded.

The door opened slowly.

Liam's stomach flopped.

A housekeeper appeared.

She looked up and saw Liam sitting across the room. "Oh!" she said. "I thought the room was empty. I called 'Housekeeping?' before I opened the door."

Liam stared back at her like a deer in the headlights, unable to speak. He hadn't been able to hear anything over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.

"Want me to come back later?" she asked politely. She wasn't standing close enough to Liam to see that he was gripping the guitar with white knuckles.

"N-n-no, it's alright," Liam stuttered finally, pulling himself together.

"Okay, I won't be long," she said cheerfully. "Please feel free to keep playing. I heard your music from the hall; it sounded beautiful!" She grabbed some cleaning supplies off of her cart and headed into the bathroom to start cleaning.

When she was out of the room, Liam closed his eyes and exhaled as loudly as he dared. He leaned back and rested his head against the wall. Why had he been so terrified?

He didn't know how much longer he could keep living like this.

***************************************

"Okay, hold on, let's try the chorus again."

It was about six o'clock in the evening, and the five boys were seated around a table in one of the hotel's conference rooms. The interview and recording and session had gone rather well. When they all returned to the hotel, Paul informed them that they would spend the rest of the day rehearsing their vocals in preparation for their upcoming performance. The venue wasn't yet set up for them, so for now, they were just practicing at the hotel with Niall backing them up on his acoustic guitar.

Before going through the setlist, they did a runthrough of What Makes You Beautiful, just to get warmed up. It was immediately apparent that Liam's head was elsewhere. He seemed to forget that he was the one that started off that song and sat there in silence while Niall continued to strum the chords from the first four measures of the song. Harry finally gave him a nudge, and that seemed to snap him back to reality, at least for a little while. He blushed, realizing how stupid he must look, but he sang through the first verse without much trouble. 

After they had finished the song, Harry said, "Now that we're all awake, let's try C'mon, C'mon."

They ran through C'mon C'mon, Midnight Memories, and Live While We're Young. Their vocals were fine, but they all felt like there was something missing.

"Look, lads, I know this is just an acoustic session and we're not actually on stage right now, but can we at least try to keep the energy up a bit?" Harry said.

"Sorry, lads," said Zayn. "I'm trying, I swear. My voice is just a little worn out from the recording earlier."

"You're fine, Zayn. I don't think Harry was directing that at you," said Louis, shooting a glance over at Liam.

For once, he had managed to make eye contact. Liam lowered his head in shame.

"No, no," said Harry. "That wasn't at anyone in particular. We just don't sound nearly as good when we're not into it, you know?"

Niall nodded in agreement. "We should probably work on the harmonies a bit... just gimme a sec to tune this thing, and we'll try Little Things."

While Niall tuned the guitar, Zayn tried to make a bit of conversation. "How did the interview go this afternoon?"

"It was good," said Harry. "Pretty short. They mostly just asked if we were looking forward to the upcoming shows and if we were liking New York City. I figured I could speak for all of us when I said that we were incredibly excited."

"Maybe not ALL of us," muttered Louis.

Zayn shot a glare at Louis that went unnoticed.

When Niall was finished fiddling with the guitar, they played Little Things, but Niall stopped playing after the first chorus.

"Might want to try that from the top, lads," said Niall. "The harmonies were a little rough in that last bit."

Zayn and Liam nodded. They had both noticed it. Liam was cringing because he knew it was his fault. Zayn knew it too, but he didn't say anything. This wasn't like Liam; his pitch was normally spot-on.

They started from the top again. It was still a little rough around the edges, particularly during Liam and Zayn's part, but Niall kept playing anyway.

Afterward, they decided to continue rehearsing some of their more melodic songs, so they went through Moments and You & I. During the second song, Louis raised his hand to stop Niall when Liam started to stumble through his part.

"Seriously, Liam? You're forgetting the lyrics now?" said Louis, exasperated. "It's like you're not even trying."

"Okay, okay," said Harry, gently resting a hand on Louis' arm. "Why don't we take five, yeah?"

Niall put his guitar down and stood up. "Good idea. I'll go grab everyone some water." 

"I'll be right back, too," said Zayn, presumably heading to the toilet.

The other three boys stayed behind in the conference room, but they stood up to stretch their legs a little bit. Louis seemed to be avoiding eye contact with Liam. Liam could tell that Louis was mad at him. He had to say something, but he didn't know what.

Harry was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. "I think we're all just tired. That's why we sound a little off today."

"Not _we_ , Harry," said Louis, still facing away from the other two boys. "Most of us were doing just fine."

Liam's heart sank. "Lou, I'm sorry!" he blurted desperately. "I didn't mean... it's not that I'm not... I never meant to upset anyone."

“As if you give a fuck about any of us, Liam,” Louis snapped.

The colour instantly drained from Liam’s face. His eyes were wide, and his mouth was open. He was simultaneously incredulous and horrified. _Was that really what Louis thought?_

Harry could not take his eyes off of Liam’s face. His eyes widened when he saw Liam start to sway. He ran to Liam’s side and grabbed his arm to steady him just as his legs started to buckle.

Liam trembled. “Lou…” he choked.

Louis turned around and took in the sight of Harry supporting a shaky, ghost-white Liam. His jaw dropped. “Liam,” breathed Louis, “I didn’t… I didn’t mean… you… I’m sorry.”

Liam’s eyes glistened with tears. This was an absolute nightmare come to life.

Louis, numb with shock over what he had involuntarily said to Liam, walked over to him. “Come here,” he said, taking Liam in his arms. 

Liam threw his arms around Louis and held on tightly. Liam felt incredibly heavy in Louis’ arms; it was as if his sadness was literally weighing down on the two of them.

Harry draped himself over Liam’s back and wrapped his arms around both Louis and Liam. “Li,” he said softly. “You’re shaking. Please tell us what’s wrong.”

Louis squeezed Liam tightly around the ribs, right where he had been kicked several days before. Liam gasped out in pain, yanking himself out of their grasp and stumbling to the side. Panting, he looked up and met their eyes. They were staring back and him with a mixture of confusion and worry. He suddenly panicked and bolted from the room. 

Louis wanted nothing more than to chase after Liam, but Liam clearly wanted nothing to do with him, and he couldn't blame him for that. He had hurt his feelings badly.

Harry looked at Louis and saw that he was fighting back tears. He wrapped Louis up in his arms. Louis had a lump in his throat that made it impossible to speak, but he didn't know what he would say even if he could.

Harry spoke first. “We need to find out what's wrong with Liam.”

Louis swallowed. “I… I assumed that he wanted…” he choked, “…out of the band. And… I figured that’s why he couldn't tell us, and that was why he was so distant. He was struggling and didn't w-want to h—hurt our f-f-feelings…” he was on the verge of sobbing now. The words pouring out of his mouth made no sense to him once he heard them being said out loud. "I... I know how stupid that is... but I don't know. I don't know what else it could be." 

Harry held him tighter. “I really don’t think that’s what it is, Lou, but I don’t know either.”

Louis sniffed. His concerns about Liam had been weighing down up him for days, and this was the first time that he had really had the chance to vent about them. As worried as he had been about the prospect of Liam quitting the band, it was Liam's behaviour that had upset him more. Louis had missed Liam a great deal, so he couldn't help but feel hurt when Liam was being such a recluse. It was only now that he was realizing just how selfish he had been. Wiping his eyes, he said, “We need to talk to him. I hurt him, so I know he won’t want to see me. Maybe I should get Niall to go talk to him.”

Harry thought for a minute. “I don’t know,” he said. “You know how overwhelmed Liam can get when people are worried about him.”

Louis nodded solemnly, remembering the last time Liam had gotten sick on tour. The entire band, as well as the management staff, had fawned over Liam, which caused him to freak out and lock himself up in his hotel room for an entire day.

Harry continued, “Maybe we should just give him a bit more space. Hopefully, he’ll come to us.”

Louis nodded again. “I really, really hope so.”

***********

Liam ran to the single-unit washroom that was just down the hall from the conference room. He slammed the door shut behind him, then collapsed to his knees in front of the toilet and promptly began vomiting, tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't know whether it was brought on by the pain in his torso, the sleep deprivation, or the realization that he had upset Louis, but his body just couldn't take this amount of physical and emotional strain.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Liam, mate, are you all right?”

Zayn’s voice made Liam shiver. He must have seen Liam sprinting down the hall. Liam let out a long exhale. “M’alright, Zayn,” he mumbled.

Zayn carefully opened the door that Liam had forgotten to lock in his haste. He knelt down next to Liam and rubbed his back. “Poor Li; you’re sick. I knew something was up with you.”

Liam coughed. “No, I’m not ill or anything, honest. Must have just been something I ate.”

Zayn frowned. “Liam, when was the last time you ate anything?”

Liam tried to come up with something, but he ended up just heaving into the toilet again.

Zayn rubbed circles onto Liam’s back. “You’re not well at all, Liam.” Liam couldn't deny that, as much as he wanted to. 

Zayn felt Liam’s sweaty forehead and frowned. “Doesn't seem like you have a fever, though.”

“See? I’m not sick,” said Liam, scrambling to find some other excuse. “It’s probably just nerves is all.”

“Nerves? About the show?”

Liam nodded.

Zayn laughed, gently brushing the tears from Liam's face with his hands. “You know that there’s nothing to be nervous about, right? We’re going to nail it!”

Liam smiled weakly. “Yeah…”

Zayn gave Liam’s shoulder a squeeze. “Come on; let's get you back up to your room. What you need right now is a good night's sleep."

He helped Liam up to his feet and flushed the toilet. Liam headed over to the sink to rinse out his mouth and splash some water on his face. Afterward, he took a deep breath and turned to Zayn. "Can you promise not to tell the others that I threw up?"

Zayn looked at Liam sideways. "I won't, but why not?"

Liam sighed. "I just... they don't need to know, okay? I don't want them worried over nothing. And we don't need them thinking that they might catch something."

Zayn smiled, realizing that Liam had a point. Niall could be a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes.

"All right, I won't say anything. I'll just tell them that you were exhausted and needed to head to bed early."

Liam bit his lip. "Louis is going to be furious with me."

Zayn put his arm around Liam. "Don't worry about Louis; he's probably just cranky because he's anxious to perform. Everything will be better in the morning. Just focus on getting some rest tonight."

He led Liam out of the bathroom and over to the elevator. "Do you want me to come up to your room with you?"

"No," Liam said, fighting back tears. "I'm fine. Thanks, Zayn."

"No problem," he said. "I'll check on you in the morning. Good night, Li!"

When the elevator doors closed, the dam burst. The tears that Liam had been holding back in front of Zayn spilled from his eyes. He buried his face in his hands and tried to muffle his sobs. He couldn't believe this was happening. He was falling apart, and everyone was starting to notice, but no one knew exactly what was going on. 

When the elevator reached his floor, he took a deep breath and stepped out into the hallway, reluctantly making his way back to his lonely hotel room. He had no idea how he was going to face Louis in the morning, but before he figured that out, he was going to have to figure out how to get through another long night.


	4. Chapter 4

Liam looked at the clock on his nightstand. _12:03_ , it said. Was it really only midnight?

He sighed and turned back to the book that he had been reading. He desperately needed to rest, but staying awake seemed to be the only way to effectively evade his nightmares. He was glad that he had packed a book to read, but he didn't know what he would do to keep himself busy until dawn once it was finished. He just wanted the night to be over.

 _Knock knock._

Liam tensed up. There was no way it was the housekeeper this time. Who the hell could possibly be at his door at this hour? He felt his throat close up.

"Liam?" a muffled voice called through the door.

Liam relaxed when he heard the familiar Irish accent. He quickly got up from the bed and headed over to the door.

He opened the door to find a sleepy Niall standing there in his t-shirt and boxers, holding a pillow to his chest. He blinked at Liam, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Hey," he mumbled, "did I wake you?"

"No, no, I was just reading. What're you doin' up?" Liam looked concerned.

"Couldn't sleep," said Niall. "Zayn won't stop snoring. I hate to ask, but d'you mind if I room with you tonight? I'll never get any sleep otherwise."

Liam blinked. "Yeah, of course. Come in." He stepped aside to let Niall into the room.

Niall stumbled into the room, pulled his phone out of his pocket, and tossed in on the dresser. He flopped down onto the bed. "Mmmmmmppph," he said, lying face-down on the mattress. "I'm sorry to do this. I just don't want to be up all night."

Liam was tempted to make some stupid joke how things had changed since their first album, but he figured that Niall would be too drowsy to catch the reference.

It suddenly occurred to Liam that having Niall sleep in his room could be problematic. He wouldn't be able to stay awake reading. What if he had a nightmare and woke Niall up? He looked around the room and decided that it would be best for him to sleep in the large armchair that sat near the back window.

Niall watched Liam take a spare blanket from the dresser and sit down in the armchair. "What're you doin'?" he asked.

Liam pulled the blanket up to his shoulders. "You take the bed, I'll take the chair."

Niall squinted at him. "You can't sleep upright in the chair, you idiot. Are you uncomfortable with me in your bed?"

"No!" said Liam, surprised. "Not at all. I'm just afraid of keeping you awake."

"You won't," said Niall, "as long as you don't snore, which you never do. Besides, I'm not kicking you out of your own bed. Come on." He crawled under the covers and then patted the spot on the bed next to him.

Reluctantly, Liam joined Niall under the covers. As he fumbled with the blankets, Niall noticed a spot of some kind on the back of Liam's right hand. He squinted, trying to see what it was in the dim light of the bedside lamp.

"What's that Liam?" he asked, gently lifting Liam's hand and looking at it closely. He had some kind of angry-looking welt on the back of his hand, but it didn't look brand new. He wondered why he hadn't noticed it earlier. 

Liam looked down at the mark that he had left when he had bitten down on his hand in the convenience store several days earlier.

"Nothing," he said quickly, pulling his hand away from Niall.

"Is that... are those teeth marks?" Niall asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Liam said, thinking quickly. "My dog bit me last week."

Niall raised his eyebrow. "Since when does Loki bite?"

Liam sighed. "I don't know, I was bothering him too much. It wasn't a big deal. Can I turn off the light, now?"

Niall was taken aback. "Yeah, yeah, of course. Good night, Liam. Thanks!"

"No problem. Night, Ni." Liam flicked off the light.

He settled in and tried to figure out how he would be able to stay awake without being able to read anything or listen to music, but before he had had much time to think about it, he felt himself being consumed by exhaustion. Within minutes, he had fallen into a deep sleep.

***************************************

"No, please! Not him!" Liam whined. "Please..."

Niall began to stir. _What was Liam going on about?_

"Liam..." he mumbled, rolling onto his left side.

Liam was shaking violently in his sleep. Niall's eyes widened. He reached over and gently shook Liam's shoulder. "Li..."

"NO!" shouted Liam. Niall pulled back, alarmed. He sat up in bed and grabbed Liam by the shoulders. 

"Liam!" he said sharply. "Wake up!"

"HELP, PLEASE! Please, don't do this!" Liam thrashed about the bed, unknowingly wrestling out of Niall's grasp and moving dangerously close to the edge of the bed

"NO, Liam!" cried Niall, trying (and failing) to catch Liam by the waist as he fell off of the bed, his face hitting the corner of the nightstand.

Niall jumped off of the bed near the foot and scurried around to the side to kneel next to Liam, who was curled up on the floor in the fetal position with tears streaming down his face.

He put one hand on Liam's back and stroked Liam's hair with the other. "Liam!" he said urgently, "Wake up, please! Liam!" 

"Please, please don't hit me again," Liam whimpered.

"LIAM!" he shouted.

Liam's eyes snapped open. He panted loudly and frantically looked around, trying to figure out what had happened. His wide eyes met Niall's. When he saw the look of concern on Niall's face, he realized what must have happened. He covered his face with his hands and burst into tears.

"Hey, hey," Niall whispered soothingly, "it's okay..." He wrapped his arms around Liam. "It's okay, Liam. It was just a bad dream."

Liam's body shook with heavy sobs. Niall held him tighter and slowly rocked him back and forth, whispering, "It's okay... it's okay..." 

Niall was still recovering from the shock himself. Sure, they all had bad dreams every now and then, and he had heard the other boys talking in their sleep before, but he had never witnessed a full-blown night terror like this one.

"That must have been one hell of a dream, Liam," he whispered. "What happened?"

Liam didn't say anything. He just shook his head vigorously and continued crying into Niall's shirt. 

"It's okay, Li. You don't have to tell me what happened in the dream. All that matters is that it wasn't real. Whatever it was was just a dream. None of it really happened." Niall rubbed Liam's back.

Liam couldn't speak. If only Niall knew... it may have been just a dream, but that didn't mean that it never really happened.

As Niall held Liam, the wheels began turning in his head. He thought about how exhausted Liam had seemed the past couple of days. With creeping horror, Niall realized that this could very well have been happening every night.

"Liam..." Niall finally whispered. "Did you... is this the first time you've had a nightmare like this?"

Liam just continued crying. That was enough of an answer for Niall. A wave of anguish washed over him as he imagined Liam waking up alone every night, shaking and crying with terror.

He shook the image from his head, knowing that he had to focus on taking care of Liam right now. "Come on. Let's get you back into bed."

He stood up and carefully pulled Liam to his feet. He reached over and flicked on the bedside lamp so that they could see. Liam wiped the tears from his cheeks and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light. He looked at Niall and gasped when he saw splotches of red on his white shirt. "N-Ni, you're bleeding!"

Niall looked at Liam's face. "I'm not, mate. You are. Come with me." He took Liam's hand and led him into the bathroom.

Niall turned on the light. Liam looked in the mirror and saw that he had a small gash just above his left eyebrow. A thin trail of blood ran down the side of his face. "How..."

"You hit your face on the table when you fell out of bed, mate," Niall said. He put down the lid on the toilet seat. "Sit down for me."

Liam obediently sat down. Niall placed two fingers under Liam's chin and gently lifted his face to look at the cut. "Not too big," he said. "That's good; you won't need stitches or anything." Niall didn't have a proper first aid kit, so he folded up a wad of toilet tissue and gently pressed it against Liam's cut.

"That hurt?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine," said Liam. "You can just go back to bed, Niall."

"Oh, hush," said Niall. He folded up another wad of tissue and wet it slightly under the faucet, then used it to gently wipe the blood from Liam's cheek. After that, he grabbed a paper cup from the side of the sink, filled it with water, and handed it to Liam. Liam gratefully took it from Niall with a shaky hand and took a sip.

Niall lifted the tissue that he had placed above Liam's eyebrow. "Bleeding's almost stopped... good." He stepped back and looked down at Liam as if seeing him for the first time in days. Liam was unbelievably pale, and dark circles had formed under his eyes.

"You've haven't slept in days, have you, Liam?"

Liam stared at his knees, saying nothing.

Niall's eyes fell upon Liam's hollowing cheeks. He realized that Liam probably hadn't eaten in days either.

Niall bit his lip. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed now. You need your rest."

He wiped the last little bit of blood from the cut above Liam's eye and threw away the tissue. He then took Liam's arm and led him out of the bathroom and back to the bed. Before getting into bed, Liam turned to Niall, not sure exactly how to convey his gratitude. "Ni, I... I don't know... thank you...I'm sorry..."

Niall smiled. "Fer God's sake, man, don't be sorry! No trouble at all, Li."

Once Liam had climbed back into bed and gotten situated, Niall pulled the covers up to Liam's chest and tucked the blanket in around him. Liam knew that he should feel a little silly being tucked in by one of his bandmates, but he couldn't help but feel comforted by Niall's presence.

Niall headed around to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to Liam. "Are you okay now, Liam?" he asked.

"Y-yeah," said Liam. "Thank you..." 

Niall frowned, noticing that Liam still seemed to be shivering. Liam rolled over onto his side and flicked off the bedside lamp. As he tried to get comfortable, he suddenly felt the warmth of Niall's body against his own. Niall had slid in close to Liam and draped an arm over top of him. Niall thought he felt Liam relax somewhat, though he was still trembling. Niall gave Liam a squeeze.

"Good night, Liam," he whispered.

It wasn't long at all before both boys had fallen asleep.

************************************

Liam felt dazed when he woke up the next morning. He was surprised to find himself surrounded by warmth. It took him a moment to realize that his head was resting on Niall's chest, and his arms were wrapped tightly around the Irish lad's middle. He yawned and stretched slowly, being careful not to wake his still-sleeping friend. Though he was far from well-rested, he felt oddly refreshed compared to how he had been feeling over the past few days; since the incident, he hadn't been able to sleep for more than an hour at a time without being jolted awake by a nightmare. This had been the best sleep that he had gotten since his second-last night in Wolverhampton.

Though Liam had been careful not to move around too much, Niall was beginning to stir. "Mmmmm... morning, Liam."

"Morning, Niall," Liam said shyly, slowly pulling away from Niall and standing up.

"How'd you sleep?" asked Niall.

"Rather well, actually," said Liam earnestly. "And... um... I have you to thank for that."

Niall smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. Thanks for letting me stay here."

"Anytime," said Liam, perhaps a bit too quickly. Niall hadn't seemed to notice.

"I'm... uh... just going to take a quick shower," Liam said, pulling his shirt off.

Niall's eyes went as round as saucers. "Liam!" he exclaimed, sitting up in bed. "What the hell HAPPENED to you?"

Liam looked at Niall in confusion. Niall was staring at Liam's bare torso. Liam looked down to see what Niall was looking at and gasped. His entire left side was covered in deep purple bruises. He suddenly remembered being kicked repeatedly in the side while he was lying on the floor of the convenience store. He hadn't looked at himself in the mirror in days, so he hadn't noticed the bruising until now. 

Niall's jaw dropped as he continued to stare at Liam. The bruise on his ribcage was the biggest; it spanned an area larger than Liam's hand. There was also an extremely dark and angry-looking bruise on Liam's hip bone, just peeking out over his waistband.

Niall repeated his question. "Liam, what HAPPENED? Who DID this to you?" Niall's bright blue eyes were glistening, and his voice was beginning to waver.

"No one," Liam said quickly, looking back up at Niall. "No one. It's nothing. It must be from when I fell last night."

Niall shook his head, incredulously. "Liam, you didn't fall nearly that hard, and those are not new bruises. Who hurt you?"

"Niall..." Liam said helplessly, "it was no one, okay? Please don't worry. Please, just... just... just stop, okay? It's fine. I... I just... I'm just gonna..." He ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Niall was stunned by what he had just seen. His mind filled with so many thoughts at once that he didn't know what to do. 

_Tell someone,_ he thought. _I have to tell someone._

He grabbed his phone off the dresser and scrolled through his contacts until his finger fell upon Louis' name. He pressed the button to call Louis and took a deep breath as he held the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" said Louis.

"Louis, it's me," said Niall hurriedly.

"Niall?" asked Louis, hearing the unmistakable accent and detecting the panic in Niall's voice. "What's wrong?"

"Look, Louis, can you please come to Liam's room right now?"

"Ni, what's going on, mate?" Louis voice was now full of concern.

"Please, just come right now... I need to talk to you... please..." He hung up on Louis and put the phone back on the desk. He stood up and paced around the room, wondering what he was going to say to Louis when he showed up.

There was a light knocking at the door. Louis had come straight away. Niall opened the door to find Louis' eyes dancing with worry. "Niall, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Just... come in," said Niall, grabbing Louis' wrist and dragging him into the room. Louis shut the door behind him, then followed Niall over to the bed and sat down.

Niall was wringing his hands nervously. He didn't know how to say it.

"Niall, for God's sake, what is it?" Louis asked, looking at Niall incredulously.

"I think Liam's been abused," blurted Niall, his voice cracking.

Louis' stomach dropped. He stared at Niall, unable to speak.

"He... he's covered in bruises," Niall spluttered. "All along his left side. And he has a bite mark on his hand. He wouldn't tell me where they came from."

Louis slowly shook his head in disbelief. "What..."

"And..." Niall continued, swallowing hard against the lump that had formed in his throat, "...and he's been having nightmares. I don't know for how long, but last night, he woke up shouting and crying. He fell out of bed and hit his head on the dresser. I tried to comfort him, but he was so shaken up even after he had woken up... I've never seen anything like it."

Louis' hand flew to his mouth. This is why Liam hadn't been himself at all. This is what had been going on all this time. Louis suddenly felt so ashamed of himself and so petrified for Liam that he thought he might pass out. 

Niall suddenly threw his arms around Louis. "I... I don't know what to do," he said. "He wouldn't admit anything to me, but maybe he will to you. He trusts you the most."

"N-no," Louis stuttered, his lip trembling. "Not anymore... I hurt his feelings so badly yesterday... he may never want to speak to me again." He fought back tears.

"Please, you have to try to talk to him," Niall choked. "We have to do something."

Louis was still processing all of the information. "Who... who would have done this?" said Louis. "He was in Wolverhampton all last week... do you think he's being abused by someone in his family?"

Niall froze. "I hadn't thought of that. I don't know, that doesn't seem possible. Maybe it was someone else. Maybe he ran into an old bully or someone from his past and got beaten up."

Both boys snapped up when they heard the hiss of the shower suddenly stop. "I'm assuming Liam is..." Louis trailed off, gesturing toward the bathroom.

"Yeah, he was just in the shower," Niall said, looking at Louis with sudden fear in his eyes. "What are we... what are we going to do?"

The sat in silence, listening to Liam puttering around in the bathroom for what seemed like ages. At long last, they heard the door open. They both looked up to see Liam slowly coming out of the bathroom with his head down. He was dressed in only his boxers, but he had a large towel wrapped around his upper body and was clutching it closely like a security blanket, keeping all of the bruises concealed. His eyes widened when he looked up and saw Louis sitting on the bed. "I-I... I'm sorry," he said instinctively, backing away from the bed.

This made Louis want to cry. Was Liam actually _afraid_ of him?

"Liam," he said quietly, "come here."

Liam stared back at Louis, looking frightened. 

"Please, Liam," Louis begged. "It's okay. I just want to talk."

Liam swallowed and slowly sat down on the bed on Louis' left.

Louis put his arms around Liam and gave him a squeeze. Liam closed his eyes and felt a wave of relief wash over him. He had missed Louis so much. This simple embrace meant more to him than he could have ever imagined.

Louis felt it, too. The boys sat in silence for a minute, with Louis holding Liam and Niall sitting anxiously on Louis' other side, fighting back tears.

At long last, Louis spoke up. "Liam," he said softly. "You have been hiding something from us."

Liam froze. He slowly pulled away from Louis' grasp. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said. He was upsetting Louis again. He couldn't let that happen.

Louis lowered his arms and looked at Liam carefully. "Liam," he said softly. "Can you please take off the towel?"

Liam just shook his head, pulling the towel tightly around him.

"Liam," Louis pleaded. "Please..."

Liam's lower lip started to tremble. He couldn't stand the sadness in Louis' voice. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away from Louis.

"Li," Niall said pleadingly, "Show him. Show Louis."

Liam shook his head. "No."

Louis, with shaking hands, lifted the towel from the bottom. He gasped when he saw the bruising on Liam's lower left side. "Liam..." he breathed.

Liam gripped the towel tightly around him and quickly stood up from the bed, pulling it from Louis' grasp.

Louis' eyes glistened as he looked at Liam searchingly. "Who did that to you?"

"No one," Liam choked. "It was an accident."

Louis stood up from the bed and approached Liam. Liam backed away from Louis until he was standing against the wall.

"Liam," Louis whispered, tears beginning to spill down his cheeks, "Why can't you tell me what has happened to you?"

Liam looked back at Louis with wide eyes. "Lou, don't cry, please..." He fought back tears of his own.

Louis sniffled and lifted his hands. "Just..." he tugged lightly on the towel and stared at Liam with wide, pleading eyes. 

Liam finally relinquished his grip on the towel. Louis gave it a final tug, causing it to fall to the floor. This allowed him to see the full extent of Liam's bruising. 

"Ohh, Liam," he spluttered, his hands flying up to his mouth in horror.

Liam wrapped his arms protectively around his chest and turned away from Louis so that his bruised side was now against the wall. He slid down the wall and collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor. 

Louis fell to his knees and threw his arms around Liam. Niall ran over and knelt beside the two of them. He laid a protective on Liam's shoulder and wrapped an arm around Louis, burying his face in his neck.

When he had a chance to catch his breath, Liam told them about everything that had happened. He told them about the robber had smashed his phone on the ground and then threatened him at gunpoint. He told them about being struck with the weapon when he wouldn't cooperate and about being kicked while he was lying on the ground. He told them about how he hadn't been able to sleep without reliving the entire experience and that he had dreamed about the gunman threatening to kill his friends. He told them about how he hadn't been able to eat or sleep for days.

After taking a deep, shaky breath, he finally said. "I know that I've been acting like a complete idiot lately, and it's been affecting all of you, but... I haven't been behaving normally because... because..." he choked, "...because I don't know how to feel normal anymore."

Louis sniffled. "Liam," he said. "Please, please do not apologize for anything. I'm the one that needs to apologize. To think about how I've been treating you all this time... all this time, I thought you were acting weird because you were sick of us or something. All this time... I had no idea what you were going through, and I was too self-absorbed to... to..." he shielded his face with his hands.

Liam just wrapped his arms around Louis and cried harder.

Niall wiped his eyes. "Well," he said with a sniff, "now we know, and now, Liam, you have to know that we are here for you. Whatever you are going through, we will help you through it."

Liam sighed deeply. His ordeal was far from over, but now that his friends knew his secret, he didn't have to face it alone.

Louis rubbed Liam's back. "You're not alone anymore, you hear me? You'll never be alone."


	5. Chapter 5

When the boys had had a chance to calm down, Niall stood up, wiped his eyes, and cleared this throat. “I’m… I’m going to go get Zayn.”

Liam looked up, wide-eyed. “You... are y-you going to tell him?” he asked, his voice shaking.

Niall looked at Liam sympathetically. “Do you not want Zayn to know?”

Liam shook his head furiously.

“Why not?” asked Niall.

“I don’t want… I mean…” Liam gulped. “I-it’s bad enough that I told you two. I didn't want any of you lads to be thinking about…” He stared down at the floor. 

Louis looked at Liam. “Wait… is THAT why you never told any of us what happened? You didn't want us to worry about you?”

Liam turned his head away from Louis.

“Ohh, Liam,” sighed Louis. “Are you serious? After all the time you've spent worrying about us and taking care of us… why can’t you look after yourself for once?” He squeezed Liam tightly.

Liam pulled away from Louis, his eyes wide with distress. "No, you can't do it, you can't..." He quickly staggered to his feet and started walking towards Niall. "You can't tell them. You can't tell Zayn and Harry. It..." Liam stopped abruptly as his face paled. "It would... it... you..." He suddenly looked very unsteady on his feet.

"Li?" Niall said worriedly, hurrying over to Liam and taking a hold of his hands.

"I-it's... Ijuss...cntehlhnh...dzzy.." His eyelids began to close.

Louis scrambled to his feet and ran up behind Liam with outstretched arms, managing to catch him just as he began to fall backward. Niall, still holding Liam's hands, looked up at Louis with wide eyes.

"Let's get him onto the bed," said Louis, trying to sound calm. 

Niall lifted Liam by the legs, and he and Louis carried him over to the bed, laying him down gently. Niall ran to the bathroom to get Liam some water. Louis lifted Liam's head with one hand and slid a pillow underneath for support. Liam mumbled something unintelligible.

Louis sighed with relief; Liam was still conscious, even if just barely. "Li," he whispered gently, touching Liam's cheek, "what's wrong? What are you feeling?"

"Njuss dizzzy..." Liam said quietly, his head lolling to the side.

"Okay, take it easy," said Louis. "You probably stood up too fast." He sat down on the bed beside Liam.

Niall returned with the water. "Liam," asked Louis, "can you lift your head enough to drink?"

Liam slowly lifted his head (with Louis' help) and willingly sipped the water that Niall held to his lips.

They heard a _beeep_ and a click as the hotel door unlocked. Niall and Louis looked up at each other, confused. Wasn't housekeeping supposed to knock?

They heard the door open. "Lads?"

 _Harry,_ Louis thought, suddenly remembering that Harry had an extra key for each of the other boys' rooms.

He and Niall looked over just in time to see Harry and Zayn come around the corner.

"Louis!" said Harry with a smile. "There you are!"

"Where did you go last night, Niall?" asked Zayn, curiously.

Niall opened his mouth to respond, but Harry had just taken a good look at Liam lying upon the bed, and his smile was quickly fading. "Liam... what's wrong with Liam?" He looked to Louis for a response, but Louis just pulled Liam toward him and turned his head away from the others.

Harry looked at Niall. "What happened?"

Zayn looked distraught. "He's ill! I knew it! He was sick last night, and he tried to tell me he was just fine and it was just nerves or something, but..."

Niall snapped up. "He was sick last night... what, like he was throwing up?"

"Yeah," said Zayn, his brow furrowing. "At first, he claimed that it was something he ate, but I knew that was a lie because he had hardly been eating anything..."

Niall suddenly clapped himself on the forehead. "Of COURSE!" he said. "He hasn't been eating... no wonder he got dizzy when he stood up. Let's get him something to eat right now..." He hurried over to the phone and dialed for room service.

"When did he get sick, Zayn?" Louis asked quietly, still not looking at either Zayn or Harry.

"Like... right after we decided to take a break from rehearsing... I was just coming from the toilet, and he ran right past me in the hall. I went in to see if he was okay, and he was throwing up. I... I'm so sorry!" Zayn said, visibly upset. "I should have said something to one of you... he just... he told me not to! He didn't want anyone to fret over him, and... I thought maybe if he just had a good night's sleep..." his voice trailed off.

Louis shook his head. "It's not your fault, Zayn." _It's mine,_ he thought silently, thinking about how much he had upset Liam that night.

"We should get him to a doctor," Harry said, eyeing Liam up and down.

"N-n-no," Liam said, tying to lift his head. "Please..."

"Shhhh," said Louis, gently pulling Liam's head in toward his chest.

"Don't tell anyone..." he whimpered. 

"I won't, I won't," Louis said, stroking his hair.

"Tell anyone what?" Harry asked. "That he's sick?"

Niall was just hanging up the phone. "They're bringing food up for all of us in a minute." He turned to Zayn and Harry. "Lads... can I have a word with you in the hall?"

Harry and Zayn looked a little baffled, but they followed Niall out into the hall. 

Louis stayed with Liam on the bed, holding him tightly. Liam lay with his head and hand resting on Louis' chest, slowly recovering from the dizzy spell. The two boys said nothing to each other, even though they both had so much to say.

Liam felt as though he was incapable of adequately expressing his gratitude toward Louis. Lying there in Louis' arms, listening to his heart beating, Liam felt safe and secure for the first time since the incident. At the same time, he hated the fact that any of his friends were worried about him; the last thing that he wanted was to be a burden.

Louis, meanwhile, was still wrought with guilt. He knew that what had happened to Liam was not his fault; none of them could have prevented that. He was just continually beating himself up over the way that he had handled the situation. He should have known that there was something major going on with Liam, and he should have done more to find out what it was. He knew that he would have to find some way to make it up to him. As far as Louis was concerned, it was his job to help Liam get well again.

"Lou..." Liam whispered.

"Yeah, Liam?" Louis whispered back.

"I'm sorry."

"You're what?" Louis asked. "Mate, are you joking? What are you apologizing for?"

Liam suddenly felt sheepish. He said nothing, opting instead to bury his face in Louis' shirt.

"Liam, I know you don't like it when other people are fussing over you, but please... please don't apologize for any of this. I'm the one that should be apologizing. After the way I reacted..."

Liam was now clutching Louis' shirt and fighting back tears. Louis rubbed Liam's back and sighed. He knew that Liam was latching onto him because he was scared, but that didn't mean that all was well between the two of them; it would take some time for him to rebuild the trust that they once shared.

**************************

"What the hell is going on?" Zayn asked

Niall took a deep breath and proceeded to tell Harry and Zayn about what had happened to Liam. They were both absolutely horrified to hear about Liam's violent encounter with the mystery gunman, but Zayn still seemed like he was struggling to understand.

"But... what's wrong with him now? Why is he sick?"

Niall looked at Zayn helplessly. "He's terrified, Zayn. After what happened, he's been afraid of even setting foot in public. All he can think about is the gun being pointed at hi..." Niall trailed off as a shiver went down his spine. This was the first time that he had really processed what had happened; someone had threatened to kill _Liam. Their_ Liam. Niall stared blankly at Zayn with his mouth half-open, suddenly unable to talk.

Harry swallowed hard, not knowing what to say.

Zayn's eyes were now glimmering with tears. "Oh God... the comic book store..." his hand flew to his mouth.

"What, Zayn?" Harry croaked.

"There was... there was a point where we got separated, and... when I found him, he was in an absolute panic... I thought it was funny at the time, the fact that he was all paranoid about getting lost in a big city but... he must have been so _scared._ And it was because I left him alone..." Zayn buried his face in his hands.

Harry reached out and rested his hand on Zayn's shoulder. "It's okay, Zayn. You didn't know. It's not your fault."

Zayn just shook his head, still covering his face with his hands.

Niall finally spoke up. "It doesn't matter, lads. The important thing is that we know now. We have to look after him and make sure he feels safe."

They heard the _ding_ of the elevator doors, and Niall looked up to see a man coming down the hall with a cart covered in trays.

"Oh, right," he said. "I had them bring up breakfast for all of us."

He turned to open the door and then realized that none of them had brought a key out into the hall. He rapped lightly on the door.

"Lou?" he called. "I forgot to grab a room key, so we're stuck out here. Can you let us in?"

Inside the hotel room, Liam instinctively squeezed Louis tightly upon hearing Niall's voice. 

"I'll be right back, Liam," Louis said. "I just need to open the door. The lads are locked out."

Liam didn't move or respond at first. After a long pause, he reluctantly withdrew from Louis and folded his arms over his chest. Seeing Liam so vulnerable absolutely broke Louis' heart.

"I'll be right back, Liam, I swear," Louis said hurriedly, running over to the door and hastily opening it for the boys. He rushed back over to Liam and slid in bed beside him again. 

Liam refrained from immediately latching onto Louis, opting instead to cautiously shift closer to him in an effort to avoid looking unbelievably pathetic.

Louis pulled Liam closer and held him protectively. Liam noticeably (and instantly) relaxed.

Niall, Harry, and Zayn walked in, followed by the waiter with the room service cart.

Liam seemed to perk up slightly when he noticed the food.

Niall helped the server take the trays off of the cart and gave one to each of the boys. They thanked the server politely as he headed out with the cart.

"Can you eat breakfast this morning, Liam?" Louis asked.

Liam nodded, slowly rising to a sitting position.

Harry's jaw dropped when Liam sat up. Liam had been lying on his left side, which had kept his bruises concealed. Now, they were in plain sight.

"Jesus CHRIST," he said, horrified. "What did they DO to you?"

Zayn ran to Liam's side and reached out for him, letting his hands hover a few inches away from the giant, purpling bruise on his rib cage. "Did you go to the hospital?" he asked, looking stunned. "Did they check you for internal bleeding?"

"No, I was _fine_ ," Liam said, crossing his arms and trying to hide the bruises as best as he could. In the meantime, Harry had pulled a gray cotton T-shirt out of Liam's suitcase and tossed it to him, figuring that the poor boy was probably cold in just his boxers and tired of being stared at. Liam hastily put it on.

Zayn looked at Liam with a mixture of disbelief and utter fury. How could someone do this to Liam? More importantly, how had he not noticed before?

Liam was eyeing his breakfast hungrily.

Harry spotted the anticipation in Liam's eyes and smiled a little. "Go ahead, Liam. Dig in."

"Well, do take it easy," said Louis. "Eat slowly. You're going in with an empty stomach."

Though he obviously found it very encouraging, Louis was a little surprised to see that Liam seemed so eager to eat. It seemed as though the mere fact that Liam had been able to open up about what happened to him had put him at ease somewhat.

Liam slowly began working on the pancakes in front of him. Louis watched him carefully, almost forgetting to eat his own breakfast.

Niall was very pleased to see Liam eating again, and his spirits were further brightened by the meal in front of him. His cheeks were becoming rosy with merriment. "I texted Paul earlier," he mumbled through a mouthful of food. "No interviews or anything dumb today. We're just headed to the venue to rehearse."

"We're going to Madison Square today?" Harry asked, looking surprised. "That's awesome!"

Zayn was looking at Liam carefully. "Liam, if you're not up to rehearsing today, we'll let Paul know that you're not feeling well."

"No, I'll be fine," said Liam. 

"Liam..." Zayn said warningly.

"I'm serious, Zayn. I'll be fine."

Zayn looked at Liam skeptically. "I think you should see a doctor."

"What for?" Liam asked, taking another bite of his food. "I'm not sick."

"You were throwing up last night, and you almost passed out this morning. You're going to try to tell me that you're well?"

Liam flushed. He was trying to get Zayn to stop worrying about him, and it was not working.

Niall seemed uncharacteristically perceptive today. "He's clearly doing a lot better now that he's gotten some rest and put some food in his stomach, Z," he said, leaping to Liam's defense. Liam looked at Niall gratefully.

Zayn still didn't seem convinced. "Fine," he said, "but I'm keeping my eye on you. The minute you start to seem like you're getting sick again, I'm telling Paul."

Liam almost choked on his food. "NO," he sputtered, "please, PLEASE don't tell anyone else!"

"Easy, easy Liam," said Louis, gently patting his arm. 

Zayn cocked his head to the side. "Why are you so against telling Paul?"

Louis sighed. "Because Liam is too selfless for his own good and doesn't want people worrying or making a fuss over him."

Liam just stared down at the bed. 

"Liam..." said Zayn, not quite sure what he was trying to say.

Liam sniffed. "I haven't even told my family about it yet."

Zayn looked completely baffled. "You can't be serious."

Liam snapped up. "Can you imagine how they would react if they knew? I was leaving for America the next morning. D'you have any idea what it would do to my mother to tell her something like that and then fly across the fucking ocean?"

Zayn was quiet for a minute. "Li, I... I'm sorry. I'm really not trying to be insensitive, but..." He gestured desperately in Liam's direction. "How long do you plan to keep this a secret?"

This time, Liam failed to come up with a response, so he just kept plugging away at his food and avoiding eye contact with the others.

"We'll look after him," said Niall, sounding optimistic. "We'll make sure he's all right. We'll get through this week's performance, and then he can tell his family when he's ready."

"No, no," Liam said helplessly, "I mean... yes, but you guys don't need to take _care_ of me. I'm fine!"

"Say that one more time," said Zayn through gritted teeth. "I dare you."

"All right, enough," said Harry, putting down his fork. "One step at a time, all right lads? We'll finish up breakfast, and then we'll all get dressed for rehearsal."

The boys continued eating in silence. Liam's face burned; he hated that any of this was happening.

When Zayn finished eating, he hopped up from the bed and started pawing through Liam's suitcase. He pulled out a pair of jeans and tossed them to Liam. "Here you are. Throw these on, and you'll be ready to go."

Liam caught the jeans, looking a little confused. "Uhh... thanks," he said, sliding them on.

Zayn continued, "You can come back to mine and Niall's room with us while we get ready." 

Harry couldn't help but notice the slight sense of urgency in Zayn's voice, and he caught on immediately; Zayn was afraid of leaving Liam alone.

Niall and Liam finished eating shortly after. "Coming then, lads?" Zayn said, seeming a little impatient.

"Coming, Zayn," Niall said, rolling his eyes and smiling.

Liam started to get up from the bed. Louis watched him carefully. "Easy, Liam..."

Zayn scurried over to Liam's side and took a hold of his arm. "It's good, Zayn," Liam said. "Don't worry."

Zayn ignored Liam and wrapped his arm around Liam's waist, leading him out the door. Niall followed closely behind.

This left Harry and Louis alone in Liam's room. Harry looked up at Louis, who was poking at the food on his plate, looking despondent.

"Are you okay, Louis?"

Louis looked up, surprised. "Me? Of course I'm okay. I'm fine."

Harry slid over next to Louis on the bed and put his arm around him. Louis sighed and rested his head on Harry's shoulder.

"I didn't know," Louis said quietly.

"I know, Lou. It's not your fault," Harry said, stroking Louis' arm gently. "You couldn't have known."

Louis didn't say anything. There was no way that he could possibly make Harry understand the guilt that he was feeling in that moment.

He pulled away from Harry and stood up. "Come on," he said. "Let's go get ready."

The two of them headed back to their hotel room to get dressed for rehearsal.


	6. Chapter 6

The boys were all pleasantly surprised by how well the rehearsal had been going. They were all still getting used to the large stage, but they had made it about three-quarters of the way through their planned set, and the vocals were sounding fantastic. 

Zayn and Louis had been taking turns hovering around Liam protectively throughout the rehearsal, but so far, he was doing very well. He seemed to be fairly relaxed and comfortable on stage. Though he still wasn't really _himself_ , he was in his element, and it showed. 

After they had run through Kiss You, Liam caught Harry beaming at him.

"Nailed those high parts, as usual," he said.

Liam blushed a little. "Thanks," he said shyly. He could tell that Harry was trying to keep his confidence up, but he didn't really need it. It felt good to be back on the stage again. For the first time in days, he had been able to completely forget about the incident that had been previously taking over his life.

Everything was going fine until the middle of Liam's solo in Best Song Ever.

_"Said her name was Georgia Rose... And her da..."_

One of the venue's security guards was walking around on the concert floor near the front of the stage and was talking to Paul. Liam's eyes had been immediately drawn to the gun on his holster. His singing trailed off as he continued to stare.

It was a short solo, so none of the staff members batted an eye when Liam stopped singing. They likely assumed that he was either stopping to take a breath or just feeling too lazy to finish the line. Harry lifted his microphone and continued with _"Said I had a dirty mouth,"_ but his eyes were fixed on Liam, who was frozen in place.

Louis happened to be closest to Liam at this particular point, and he watched as Liam's face paled and jaw slackened.

He quickly sidled up to him. "Liam," he said, placing his hand at the small of Liam's back, "You all right, mate?"

Liam seemed to partially snap out of it. He nodded vigorously, but Louis could see drops of sweat appearing on Liam's forehead.

The boys vaguely heard Niall in the background. _"I said 'can I take you home with me?' She said 'never in your wildest dreeeeeams...'"_

Liam raised his microphone in time to join in for the chorus, but his voice was wavering.

Zayn could hear that something was a bit off, so he looked over toward the other end of the stage. He saw Louis standing very close to Liam, who looked like he was beginning to tremble.

Zayn swiftly made his way over to Liam just in time for Louis' solo. He made eye contact with Louis and slipped his arm around Liam's waist. Louis nodded at Zayn, then gently pulled away from Liam and began walking toward the catwalk as he sang.

_"You know, I know, you know I'll remember you..."_

"Liam," Zayn said in Liam's ear, "take a minute, yeah?"

Liam nodded, his expression blank. Zayn quickly guided Liam backstage and sat him down on the first chair that he spotted.

"Head between your knees... just breathe for a minute, all right?" Zayn sounded much calmer than he looked, but luckily, Liam wasn't looking at his face.

Liam obediently lowered his head. Zayn rubbed Liam's back as he sang _"Oh oh oh, yeah yeah yeah,"_ into the microphone that he was still holding. (He was grateful that this part was being drawn out longer than usual for the purposes of the show; they liked to have the crowd sing that part back to them.)

He lowered the microphone for a second and said, "I'll be right back, okay? Just stay there." He quickly darted back out onto the stage. He was extremely reluctant to leave Liam behind, but he knew that staying offstage for too long would arouse suspicion, which was completely against what Liam wanted. He happened to burst back onto the stage after Harry called out, _"ONE, TWO, THREE,"_ so at least he could make it look like he was just making a grand entrance for the climax of the song.

Paul looked up during the final chorus and noticed that there were only four boys on the stage, but he waited until the song ended to call out, "Where's Liam?"

"Just went to the toilet," Zayn called back. "You think we could all take five?"

"Yeah, go ahead," said Paul. "We're discussing a few logistical things over here, anyway. I think they want to test some of the pyrotechnic displays before we go any further."

The four boys hurried backstage and found Liam sitting upright, looking composed though still alarmingly pale.

Louis knelt down in front of Liam and rested a hand on Liam's knee. "How are you feeling?" he asked, looking concerned.

"Fine, thanks," Liam said simply, as if the two boys were simply exchanging pleasantries.

Niall handed Liam a bottle of water that he had grabbed from somewhere. 

"Did you get dizzy again?" asked Harry. "Maybe you're dehydrated... or maybe your blood sugar's low!"

"No, no," said Liam, taking a sip of water. "Nothing like that."

"What happened then, Li?" asked Zayn.

Liam just shook his head and stared at the floor.

"Li?" said Louis, tilting his head.

"Nothing," Liam said.

"It must have been _something,_ " said Niall.

"It really wasn't," Liam said flatly.

"Liam," Louis said. "just tell us."

Liam's cheeks were starting to turn pink. He couldn't possibly explain why he had reacted the way he did to what he saw. In fact, there was no way for him to help his bandmates understand why he had been so heavily affected by what happened to him.

Louis shot a quick glance at Harry. Harry guessed that he was thinking what Louis was thinking.

"Hey, lads," Harry said to Zayn and Niall, "let's give Liam a little space, all right?"

Niall nodded and turned to leave, wanting to visit the restroom anyway. Zayn, however, was hesitating, looking down at Liam with concern. Harry gave him a little nudge. 

Reluctantly, Zayn headed in the direction of the washroom with Harry.

Louis pulled up another chair beside Liam's and sat down. He slipped his hand around Liam's upper arm and gave it a tug, inviting Liam to lean over and rest his head on Louis' shoulder. Liam obliged.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Louis asked. 

Liam shook his head and closed his eyes.

Louis gave a little sigh and put his arm around Liam. He couldn't force Liam to talk, but he wished he could get him to open up a little more. He silently worried that Liam's resistance had to do with him being upset with Louis, but Louis tried his hardest to brush this thought away.

"Do you want to walk around a little?" Louis asked.

"Sure," said Liam, lifting his head.

The two boys stood up and were about to head off toward the stage door when they heard a loud BANG.

Before Louis could register where the explosion had come from, he felt himself being tackled from behind. He was brought down to his knees, and Liam was lying across his back, forcing him low to the ground. Despite the speed at which he was shoved, he did not land hard; Liam had kept his arms around Louis' torso and prevented him from hitting the floor.

After he recovered from the initial shock of being taken down, he blinked and remembered what Paul had said about them working on the pyrotechnics for the performance.

"Ohh, fireworks," he said out loud. "That's what that was."

Liam's arms were still wrapped tightly around Louis.

"Li? It's all good, mate; it was just fireworks."

Louis could feel Liam beginning to shake and was aware of Liam's hot breath against the back of his neck. All at once, Louis realized what Liam's first thought must have been upon hearing the explosion. After hearing what he thought was a gunshot, Liam had covered Louis' body with his own.

"Liam, mate, it's okay."

Liam had not heard a single word that Louis said. He was holding onto his friend as if his life depended on it.  
_Stay down... just stay down..._ Liam thought furiously.

Louis slowly pulled out of Liam's grasp and turned around on his knees to face him. Liam's eyes were as wide as saucers, and his face was impossibly pale.

"Liam, it's okay. Deep breaths," Louis said calmly, taking Liam's shaking hands in his own.

Liam stared back at Louis with wide, glimmering eyes. _Louis is safe,_ Liam thought. _He's right here. But the others..._ Liam started to stand up.

"Easy, Liam," Louis said, scrambling to his feet and tugging Liam in the direction of the chairs. "Let's go sit back down."

"W-we have to help them," Liam said, his voice cracking.

Louis tilted his head. "Help _who,_ Liam?"

 _Where are they?_ Liam's mind raced. _What if he gets to them first?_

Louis looked at Liam intently, squeezing his hands. "Liam, _talk_ to me!"

_Danger... they're in danger..._

"H-have to... h-h-have to..." he gulped. 

Louis wrapped his arms around Liam, trying to stop the poor boy from shaking. He felt Liam's heart pounding against his own chest.

"Liam, everything is okay, you hear me? I've got you. You're safe." Louis fought hard to keep his own voice from wavering.

Liam's breathing was beginning to quicken. Louis hastily pulled away to give him some air.

"Deep breaths, Liam. Deep breaths..."

_Doesn't understand... danger...hurt..._

Liam's breath escaped in rapid bursts. He was beginning to hyperventilate.

Louis wrapped his hands around the back of Liam's neck and pulled him close enough that their foreheads were touching. "Liam, just breathe for me, okay? Please?" Louis could no longer hide the tremor in his voice.

Liam grabbed Louis' wrists and held them tightly. Tears sprang to his eyes as he fought to catch his breath and tell Louis that they needed to do something, that their friends were in danger. He gasped for air as he became dizzy with fear and panic. He felt his legs start to buckle beneath him and vaguely heard Louis calling out his name before everything went dark.

**********************

Meanwhile, Niall, Zayn, and Harry had been taking turns using the single-stalled washroom offstage. Niall and Zayn were just waiting for Harry to finish up.

Niall looked sideways at Zayn, who was leaning against the wall, looking sullen. "You all right, Z?"

"I'm fine," he said quietly.

Niall smiled at him sympathetically. "Just thinking about Liam?" he asked.

Zayn nodded.

"He'll be all right, Zayn," Niall said. "He just needs a little more time."

Zayn paused. "I just... wish he would let us tell someone," he said with a sigh. "This isn't right."

When the bathroom door opened and Harry stepped out, Zayn straightened up quickly. "Okay, let's go," he said, quickly turning to head back toward the stage.

"What's his hurry?" Harry asked Niall, as they turned and tried to keep up with Zayn's long strides.

"Anxious to check on Liam, I think," Niall said.

Harry chewed his lower lip. "Any idea what happened to him during that song?" he asked.

Niall shrugged. "Dunno, but I'm sure he's fine. Prolly just needed a minute."

Harry nodded. "I just hope that i... _Louis?_ "

They had just rounded the corner to find Liam lying on the floor with Louis kneeling next to him, cradling his upper body in his arms. Tears streamed down Louis' cheeks.

 _"LIAM,"_ cried Zayn, running to his friend's side. Harry hurried after him, while Niall began heading toward the main stage. "I'm going to get Paul," he called out over his shoulder as he disappeared behind the curtain.

Harry knelt down beside Louis, laying one hand on Liam's forehead and rubbing Louis' back with the other. "What happened?" he asked.

"H-he passed out," Louis sobbed. "The fireworks went off unexpectedly, and I think he thought it was a gunshot..."

"What!" Zayn exclaimed.

"I don't know!" Louis cried desperately. "He panicked and tackled me... I told him it was just fireworks, but he didn't seem to hear me. I couldn't... I couldn't _reach _him. He was just... gone! I told him over and over, but he was, like, hysterical! He started hyperventilating, and I tried to get him to calm down, but he just collapsed!"__

__"Did he hit his head?" Harry asked worriedly._ _

__"No," Louis sniffed, "I caught him before he hit the ground. He's not injured."_ _

__Zayn started gently tapping on Liam's cheek with his fingers. "Liam," he whispered. "Li, wake up."_ _

__Liam's eyes fluttered. "Wha...?"_ _

__Suddenly, it all came flooding back to him. He sat bolt upright, instantly feeling lightheaded._ _

__"WHOA, careful, Liam," Louis said, placing a hand on his chest and trying to ease him back down._ _

__Liam allowed himself to recline, but his breathing was becoming shallow. "Lou... Harry?" he panted, staring up at the blurry faces above him._ _

__"It's us, love," Harry said, stroking Liam's hair._ _

__"Zayn, where's Zayn?" Liam tried to sit up again, but Louis and Harry held him down._ _

__"ZAYN!" Liam shouted, reaching out blindly in front of him._ _

__"Liam, I'm right here!" Zayn cried, grabbing Liam's hand._ _

__Liam seemed to calm down for a second. "Z-Zayn..." he murmured, squeezing his hand tightly and letting his own eyes close. "You're... you're all right?"_ _

__"Yeah, Liam, I'm fine," Zayn said, looking at Liam with glistening eyes._ _

__"Niall..." Liam breathed. He opened his eyes and saw three concerned faces staring back at him. "Where's Niall?"_ _

__He quickly pulled himself up to a sitting position, having regained enough strength to wrestle himself from Louis' and Harry's grasp. "Niall..." he whispered shakily, tears beginning to fall from his eyes._ _

__"Niall's fine too, mate," Zayn said, rubbing Liam's arm._ _

__Liam didn't seem to hear Zayn. "Oh God, Niall," Liam sobbed. "NIALL!"_ _

__Niall came running backstage. "Liam?" he called. When he saw Liam sitting on the floor, tears pouring down his cheeks, he ran over to him. "Li, what happened?"_ _

__Liam threw his arms around Niall and pulled him into a tight embrace, burying his face in Niall's shoulder. His body shook with sobs._ _

__Niall wrapped his arms around Liam and rubbed his back, looking around questioningly at his bandmates._ _

__Harry swallowed. "He thought something had happened to you," he said softly._ _

__Niall could not have looked more confused. "Liam... it's all right, mate. Everything's all right, I promise," he said, still trying to process everything._ _

__Zayn looked around. "Where's Paul?"_ _

__Niall seemed to snap back to reality. "I don't know where he is," he said, "but one of the crew members told me that we're done for the day. They're trying to fix the firework displays, so we'll have to finish rehearsing tomorrow."_ _

__Louis looked relieved. At this point, none of them were in the shape to rehearse. "What are we doing, then?" he asked, wiping his eyes._ _

Liam whimpered softly against Niall's shoulder.

__"Shhhh, Liam," Niall murmured absentmindedly, still rubbing Liam's back. "I think we're heading back to the hotel."_ _

"Good, good," said Harry, who was trying to comfort Louis and Liam simultaneously.

"So Paul doesn't know," Zayn said. "We're still going to tell him, right?"

"NO!" Liam choked, pulling away from Niall. "Zayn, no." He looked at Zayn pleadingly.

Looking into Liam's eyes made Zayn's own eyes glisten with tears. "Liam, we've talked about this."

"I didn't mean to... I'm sorry, it won't happen again!" Liam sputtered.

Zayn looked baffled. "Liam, for God's sake, you're not in _trouble,_ " he said, "but we need to tell someone!"

"You can't..." Liam said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Zayn looked at Liam steadily. "You can't keep living like this."

Niall's phone buzzed, startling all five boys. Niall hastily wrestled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. "It's Paul," he said. "He says we're leaving now and to just come down to the van."

Louis and Harry helped Liam to his feet, each one taking one of Liam's arms. Liam was still staring intently at Zayn. "Please..."

Zayn looked at Liam searchingly for a moment before he let his gaze drop to the ground. "Come on," he said with a sigh. "Let's just get back to the hotel."

He turned and headed for the stage door, and the other four boys followed him. 

"Are you okay now, Li?" Harry whispered.

"Yeah..." Liam said quietly. Looking to his right, he saw that Louis' face was bright red and streaked with tears. 

"Lou..." he whispered.

Louis squeezed Liam's arm and hid his face against Liam's shoulder.

Liam still didn't quite understand exactly what had happened, but he knew that he was responsible for Louis' tears. He covered his face with his hand and whimpered softly.

"Shhh," Louis whispered. "Hold it together in front of Paul."

Liam swallowed hard and straightened up, trying to compose himself.

When they made it outside, Liam was relieved to see that Paul was already in the passenger's seat of the van and appeared to be preoccupied with his phone. The boys slipped into the van one by one with Louis, Liam, and Zayn in the backseat and Niall and Harry in the middle of the van.

Liam turned to his left and whispered to Louis, "I'm sorry."

Louis raised an eyebrow at Liam. "Sorry for what?"

Liam didn't even know how to begin to answer that.

"It's not your fault, Li," Louis whispered back. "You were scared. I was just scared that you were scared, and... well, here we are."

Liam's heart wrenched.

Louis saw the cringe on Liam's face and squeezed his hand. "It's okay, Liam. Everything's fine now. Just don't scare me like that again."

Liam nodded solemnly. He turned to his right and saw Zayn leaning against the window with his arms folded over his chest. He was staring out the window with an intensity that Liam found difficult to interpret.

Liam stared wistfully at Zayn, desperately wanting everything to be okay between them. Without even really thinking about it, he reached out and rested the back of his hand against Zayn's arm. Zayn looked down to where he felt the touch, then up at Liam. Seeing the imploring look on Liam's face, Zayn reached around Liam with his left arm and pulled him close. Wordlessly, he wrapped both arms around Liam but continued staring out the window.

Leaning into Zayn, Liam sighed. He just wanted everything to be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

Back at the hotel, Paul suggested that the boys do another acoustic rehearsal in the hotel conference room to try to make up for the fact that their rehearsal time at the concert venue was cut short. They convinced Paul to let them go back up to their rooms, assuring him that they would do plenty of rehearsing there. After chatting with Paul in the lobby, the five of them got into the elevator to head back up to their rooms.

Once the elevator doors closed, Harry said, "Screw that. Let's just hang out in mine and Louis' room for the evening."

Niall breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I don't think practicing will do us much good at this point in the day. Besides, I'm hungry."

"Surprise me," said Harry with a smirk.

Zayn was standing with his arm around Liam, and both boys were quiet. Liam was staring at the floor, looking defeated, while Zayn was staring off into space.

Louis was quiet as well. He was standing on the opposite side of the elevator with his eyes fixated on Liam.

"You okay, Lou?" Harry whispered.

"Fine," he whispered back, though he gripped the railing behind him so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

"You lying?" Harry asked. 

_Of course I'm lying,_ Louis thought furiously. _Liam had a panic attack and fucking passed out in my arms. How am I supposed to be okay?_ The other boys hadn't been there. They didn't know how terrifying it had been. They hadn't seen the way that Liam shook with terror, the way the color drained from his face, the way his body slackened and crumpled to the floor... 

_The worst part,_ Louis thought, is that he had been _right there._ He hadn't let Liam out of his sight for a second. He had been standing right in front of him, trying absolutely everything he could think of to calm him down. He had never felt so powerless in his life. 

"Li," he said abruptly, completely ignoring Harry's question, "want to stop at your room first so that you can put on something more comfortable?" He nodded in the direction of Liam's jeans. 

Liam nodded without looking up.

"Good idea. I think I'll do the same," said Niall.

"You lads go ahead," said Harry. "I'll head back to our room and order room service. Lou, grab Liam's Toy Story DVD while you guys are in there."

When the elevator doors opened, the boys unintentionally arranged themselves in a line formation with Liam in the center. It certainly wasn't the first time that this had happened, but Liam still couldn't help but be struck by this. He felt oddly secure with his friends by his side. It filled him with a sense of confidence and vigor that he didn't really recognize. He unknowingly began to walk a little taller.

When they reached Liam's door, Louis asked, "Do you have your key?"

Liam nodded and pulled out his wallet, handing Louis the room key.

Louis opened the door and headed inside, then looked over his shoulder while waiting for Liam to follow. Liam lingered at Zayn's side for a second, letting their arms brush together before he followed Louis into the room. Zayn stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed down the hall and into his own room with Niall.

"See you lads in a bit," called Harry, as he headed off to his room.

The door closed behind Liam and Louis. "You brought DVDs, right?" asked Louis.

"Yeah, I think so," said Liam. "They're in my backpack."

Louis lifted Liam's backpack off the floor and placed it on the bed, then unzipped it and started rummaging through its contents. "Got it," he said, pulling Toy Story 1 out of the bag with a smile. 

Liam smiled back halfheartedly and pawed through his suitcase, looking for a pair of joggers to put on.

Louis watched Liam carefully. He didn't even notice that he was staring, but he couldn't help it; Liam just seemed so _fragile,_ like he could break any second, and Louis was determined to make sure that nothing happened to him again.

Liam kicked off his jeans and then pulled on a pair of joggers. When he turned around, he was startled to see Louis staring at him. His alarmed expression quickly turned to one of concern when he saw the look of intense fear in Louis' eyes. 

It wasn't until Louis saw Liam's face fall that he finally became aware of the way he had been looking at Liam. Panicked, he quickly averted his eyes and turned the side, busying himself with the task of rearranging the things in Liam's backpack.

"Louis..." Liam breathed.

"What's up, Liam?" Louis said, his attempt at sounding casual failing miserably as his voice cracked on the second syllable of Liam's name.

Liam took a step toward Louis. "I... I'm sorry."

Louis turned in Liam's direction but did not look up. "What are you apologizing for?"

"I'm just..." Liam choked. "I'm so sorry!"

Louis looked up, eyes glistening. "Liam..."

Liam threw his arms around Louis and buried his face in his neck.

Louis wrapped his arms around Liam in response. "Liam... you didn't do anything wrong. Why are you apologizing?"

Liam couldn't respond. He just shook his head and held Louis tightly.

Louis paused, then gave Liam a squeeze and pulled back. "Come on," he said. "Let's go back to my room. We're going to take it easy this evening, yeah?"

"Yeah..." Liam said softly. 

Louis gave Liam a reassuring smile and hooked arms with him. "Right, let's go, then."

Together, they headed out to join their friends in Louis' and Harry's room.

***********

Meanwhile, Niall unlocked the door to his room and headed inside with Zayn following. As Niall kicked off his shoes, he looked at Zayn and frowned, seeing Zayn's frustrated expression. "What's the matter?" he asked.

Zayn exhaled. "I don't like being dishonest with Paul."

Niall shrugged. "So what if we're not going to rehearse like we told him he would? We all need some down time after today, I think. And besides, our biggest priority right now is..."

"I'm not talking about the rehearsal," Zayn said, cutting Niall off.

Niall studied Zayn for a moment. "Oh... you mean..."

"I don't know why we still haven't told him about Liam."

Niall looked conflicted. "I know Zayn. It's just... Liam's scared."

"We have to tell someone, Niall," Zayn said, looking at Niall intently.

"I know, Zayn, but..."

"We HAVE to!" Zayn's voice was now slightly elevated.

"I know, I know, just..." Niall took a deep breath. "...maybe we can get him to tell someone on his own?"

"Not bloody likely," Zayn muttered.

"Let's just give him a little more time," said Niall. "He's really shaken up after today."

 _Exactly,_ Zayn thought. _He's in so much distress, and there's nothing that I can do about it._ How could he make Niall understand that they needed to tell Paul because there was nothing that they could do for him?

"Zayn..." Niall said urgently. "Please, just... let's all just take a breather tonight, all right? He needs it. We all need it."

Zayn stared at the floor and shuffled his feet.

"I'm scared," he said quietly, surprising himself with the way he was letting his guard down in front of Niall.

Niall's face softened. "I'm scared too, Zayn..." he said quietly, "but probably not half as scared as Liam is. He needs us right now."

Zayn nodded silently. 

Niall stepped forward and gave Zayn a hug. Zayn was noticeably tense, but he relaxed into Niall's embrace somewhat and heaved a sigh.

"I wish we could do something more," he mumbled into Niall's shoulder.

"I know," Niall said. "For now, I think all we can do is be there for him."

Zayn nodded again reluctantly as Niall turned loose of him. The two of them quickly got ready and left to join their friends in the adjacent room.

*****************

It wasn't long before the five boys got settled in Louis' and Harry's room. Liam was tucked under Louis' arm, and Zayn was curled up on Liam's other side, holding his left hand. Niall sat at the foot of the bed, while Harry lay on his stomach alongside Liam's legs.

They had ordered room service and popped in the Toy Story DVD, but Louis was not really paying attention to the movie. He couldn't stop thinking about the episode that he had witnessed earlier that day. He didn't want Liam to know this, but he had never been so scared in his life. He already regretted the fact that Liam had seen the look that he was giving him in the hotel room. The last thing that he wanted to do was upset Liam further by making him feel guilty.

"Li..." he whispered softly.

Liam assumed that Louis was annoyed with Liam being all wrapped around him. "Sorry," he whispered, hastily pulling away from Louis and tucking his arms at his sides.

"What? No, no..." Louis said, pulling Liam back in. "I was just going to ask you..."

Liam looked up. "Yeah?"

Louis wasn't even really sure if he knew what he was trying to ask. "Just... you know we're all here for you, right?"

Liam sat very still. "Yeah..."

"And you know we're not going anywhere, right?" Louis looked steadily at Liam.

Liam swallowed. "Right..." he said, but he looked uncertain.

Louis squeezed Liam tightly. "You're safe here."

Liam bit his lip and looked up at Louis. "But..."

Louis looked expectantly at Liam.

Liam's voice was so quiet that Louis could barely hear him. "...what if something happens to you?"

Louis' heart sank. "Is that why you panicked today, Liam?" he asked. "You were afraid something was going to happen to one of us?"

Liam nodded, his eyes begin to well up. "Terrified," he whispered.

Zayn hadn't been meaning to eavesdrop, but hearing this, he squeezed Liam's hand extra tightly.

Louis buried his face in Liam's hair. "Liam, you don't have to be afraid of anything, you hear me? Nothing is going to happen to any of us, and we are sure as hell not going to let anything happen to you."

Liam laid his head down on Louis' chest and closed his eyes. Zayn cuddled up next to Liam and rested his head on Liam's shoulder.

The boys sat in peaceful silence for the remainder of the movie. When the ending credits began to roll, Harry yawned and stretched, then turned around to face Louis and the others. He smiled when he saw that Liam had fallen fast asleep on Louis' chest.

"Something tells me that I'm going to have to find a new place to sleep tonight," he said with a smile.

Niall's eyebrows lifted. "Yeah, Liam really shouldn't be alone at night."

Louis hugged Liam protectively. "He can stay right here."

Niall looked at Liam for a moment. "Umm... it's probably best if someone else stays here, too," he said hesitantly.

"Why's that, Ni?" asked Louis.

"It's just that when he had a night terror last night..." Niall shuddered at the memory, "...it was hard to snap him out of it. It would be a good idea to have another person here in case it happens again. I don't want him to get hurt..." His voice trailed off as he eyed the small gash above Liam's eyebrow.

Seeing how deeply affected the poor Irish lad had been by Liam's nightmare, Harry pulled Niall into a warm embrace.

"I'll stay, too," Zayn said immediately.

Niall looked up shyly at Harry as if working up the courage to ask him something. "Umm... Harry..."

Harry decided to beat Niall to it. "Ni, is it all right if I stay with you tonight?"

Niall flashed Harry a grateful smile. "Yes, yes of course."

Harry smiled back at Niall, and the two boys stood up to leave. "Need anything before we go?" Harry asked, turning toward Louis and Zayn.

"I think we're good," Louis said. "Thanks, Haz."

Harry nodded. "See you lot in the morning, then. Call if you need anything," he said, making sure his phone was in his pocket before heading out with Niall.

Louis looked down at Liam. He was immediately entranced by the peaceful expression on Liam's face, one that he had not seen in a very long time. In this state, there was not a crinkle on his brow, nor a twist in his mouth, no worry or fear in his eyes. His beautiful lips were lightly parted, and his eyes rested gently closed. There was not a trace of worry or fear on the boy's face. The sight nearly brought tears to Louis' eyes.

"What's on your mind, Louis?" Zayn asked.

"Oh nothing," Louis sighed. "Just wondering how we're supposed to get under the covers now."

Zayn smiled a little. "We'll just have to move him a little bit."

Louis carefully slid out from under Liam's arm and stood up from the bed. He tugged on the covers and gently slid them out from underneath Zayn and Liam so that they could all get underneath. Zayn grabbed the corner of the blanket on his side of the bed and pulled it over himself and Liam. 

In Louis' absence, Liam had unknowingly snuggled up closer to Zayn. Zayn closed his eyes and smiled. There was something about knowing that Liam needed him. In his sleep, Liam was completely uninhibited by his need to always seem so independent, sensible, and protective. In his sleep, his real emotions betrayed him.

"Grab the light, would you?" Louis yawned, climbing back into bed.

"Yeh," Zayn said, reaching behind him and flicking off the light on the nightstand. 

"G'night, lads," he said, nuzzling his face into Liam's neck.

"Night," said Louis, moving in closer on Liam's other side.

Before long, Zayn and Louis joined Liam in the land of peaceful slumber.

**************************

Louis woke up in the middle of the night needing to use the washroom. He glanced sleepily in Liam's direction and found him fast asleep on his side with Zayn wrapped around him. He smiled knowing that Liam was safe and secure. Very carefully, he slipped out of bed and headed in the direction of the washroom.

When he returned, he saw that Liam had begun to stir. He was clutching at the spot on the mattress where Louis had been, and though his eyes were still closed, there was a look of great concern etched on his face.

Louis swiftly approached the bed and crouched down next to it. There was just enough light coming in through the window that Louis could see Liam's lips moving. He vaguely heard him mumbling something, but he couldn't make out what it was.

"Liam?" he whispered.

"Louis..." Liam whimpered as his fingers dug into the bedsheets. Louis gently took Liam's hand in his own, but Liam suddenly jerked his arm away. 

Zayn was startled awake by the sudden movement. "Liam?" he said, alarmed.

"N-n-no... no..." Liam mumbled, curling up into a ball beginning to shiver.

"Liam, what's wrong?" Zayn asked, placing a hand on Liam's shoulder.

Liam flinched and scooted over to the other side of the bed. Zayn, worried that Liam would fall, reached over and wrapped and arm around Liam's middle and trying to pull him back over to the center of the bed. Liam let out a yelp and clutched at his side.

"Oh God, his bruises!" Zayn cried. "I wasn't thinking!"

"Liam, wake up!" Louis said urgently, shaking Liam's shoulder.

Liam's eyes snapped open. "Louis..." he choked.

Louis quickly slipped into the bed beside Liam and cupped Liam's face in his hand. He could feel that Liam's cheek was wet.

"I-I don't..." Liam started.

"Another bad dream," Louis said softly. "You're alright."

"Zayn," Liam gasped, reaching out behind him.

Zayn clasped Liam's hand. "Right here, mate."

Liam closed his eyes and exhaled loudly.

Louis lightly traced the side of Liam's face with his fingers and looked at him searchingly. "Did you think we had left you?"

Liam bit down on his lip but did not respond.

Zayn leaned over and hooked his chin over Liam's shoulder.

"It..." Liam's voice got caught on the lump in his throat. His voice dropped to a whisper. "It's good," he whispered.

"Li..." Zayn said softly. "It's okay to cry, mate."

The tears had already started to fall from Liam's eyes, but he tried not to make a sound.

Louis pulled Liam in tightly toward him, while Zayn curled over him on the other side. Liam took a shaky breath and then exhaled, hiding his face against Louis' shoulder.

"We're not going anywhere, Li. I mean it," said Louis, lightly nuzzling the top of Liam's head.

Zayn and Louis held Liam tightly until he stopped shaking and his breathing grew deep and regular, signalling that he had fallen asleep again. Before long, they fell asleep as well.

****************

Liam was awakened by a full bladder. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he yawned softly and tried to stretch, only to find himself unable to move. He looked down to find Louis' body wrapped around his own. He smiled at the sight, but though Louis' warm weight was extremely comforting, Liam needed to get out of bed.

Zayn was pressed up against Liam's left side, so he couldn't just roll away from Louis. He decided to try to slide toward the foot of the bed, moving as slowly as he could to avoid waking his sleeping comrades. The moment he tried to shift his weight, however, he felt Louis tighten his grasp. 

He turned his head to the side and was surprised to see Louis' forehead knotted with concern, his eyes still tightly shut. Was Louis having a bad dream? He tried to move ever so slightly again, but Louis' arm held him so tightly that it was beginning to tremble. 

"It's okay," he heard Louis whisper faintly. "It's okay."

Alarmed, Liam tried to sit up. He failed, but Louis' eyes snapped open when he felt Liam straining against him. "Liam!" he exclaimed, seeing that Liam was awake. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Liam's eyes were wide. "N-nothing, Lou! I'm fine! I just... I just need to get up."

"Why? What's wrong? Are you sick?" Louis asked breathlessly, his eyes darting over Liam's face.

"Shhhhh," Liam whispered frantically, trying to keep Louis from waking Zayn. "No! Nothing like that. I just..." A light blush began creeping across his cheeks. "I just need the toilet."

Louis looked down and realized that he had been restraining Liam. "Oh!" he whispered suddenly. "Li, I'm sorry, I didn't know..."

"I didn't want to wake you..." Liam whispered, now blushing furiously.

"My bad, mate," Louis said, turning loose of Liam. "Go ahead."

Zayn began to stir as Liam rose to a sitting position and slid toward the end of the bed. "S'goin' on?" he mumbled.

"Nothing, Zayn," Louis said as Liam hurried off to the bathroom. "Go back to sleep."

"What time is it?" he asked, sleepily reaching out for the phone on his nightstand. He picked it up and held it above him, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light on the screen.

"...the hell?" he muttered.

"What's up, Zayn?" asked Louis.

"I got a text from Nicola," Zayn replied.

"Nicola... Payne?" Louis asked, confused.

"Yeah," Zayn said, his brow furrowing. "She said she's been trying to get a hold of Liam, but he hasn't been responding to any messages from anyone in the family, so she wants to know if he's alright." Zayn's eyes grew intense. "What, he's not even talking to his _family_ anymore?"

"Hang on," Louis said, suddenly remembering. "Liam doesn't even have a phone right now; the robber smashed it. I don't think he ever got it replaced."

Zayn thought for a minute. "I hadn't noticed that he didn't have his phone on him."

"We haven't really had to call or text him, since he's been with us the whole time that we've been in the U.S.," Louis pointed out.

Zayn nodded, staring at his phone. "Ehmm.. what am I supposed to tell Nicola?"

"Just leave it for now," Louis said. "We'll let Liam know when he comes out of the bathroom."

*************************

Liam was leaning over the sink with his hand pressed against the mirror, shaking as the tears streamed down his face. _Now you've really done it,_ he thought.

This is why he hadn't wanted to tell any of the boys in the first place. The look of panic of Louis' face... _that_ was what he had been afraid of. He never wanted any of his boys to look at him like that. _He_ had done that to Louis. Louis was afraid, and it was all his fault.

The boys weren't supposed to be worrying about him like this. It was his job to look after them, not _terrify_ them. Now, Louis was losing sleep because Liam couldn't control his own panic attacks. This was an absolute nightmare. His secret wasn't just killing him; it was taking down everyone around him.

He lowered the hand that had been pressed against the mirror and rested in on the counter. Still shaking, he slowly raised his head until his eyes met those of his reflection. _You've got to fix this,_ he told himself. _You can't keep doing this to Louis. You've got to do something._

_But what?_

What was he going to do? Evidently, he needed help; he wasn't getting any better on his own. But who was he supposed to talk to? It wasn't as though breaking the silence would suddenly make everything okay. 

He took in deep, shuddering breaths, knowing that he had to compose himself before facing Louis again. _You'll figure it out,_ he told himself. _You've got to. For them._ When he was calm enough to breath steadily, he splashed some cold water on his face, hoping that it would make the redness go away. After he had dried himself off, he straightened up to face himself in the mirror once again. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped back into the hotel room. He was dismayed to find Zayn and Louis sitting up in bed with the light on, but he fought to keep his composure.

"Liam," Zayn said, holding out his phone. "Your sister messaged me."

Looking perplexed, Liam took the phone from Zayn and sat down at the foot of the bed.

"She was trying to get a hold of you before," he said, "but your phone..."

"Yeah..." Liam said softly, quickly reading Nicola's message. He looked back up at Zayn. "D'you mind if I...?"

"No, no, go ahead, mate," Zayn said.

Liam quickly typed out a message to Nicola.

_Nic, it's Liam. sorry i didn't respond. phone's broken. will skype later today if ur around. love you. xx_

Liam sent the message, then paused thoughtfully. He found himself going into Zayn's contacts and scrolling down until he found the name he was looking for. He tapped the name and then hit "Send Message."

 _Paul,_ he typed. _it's Liam. can we talk later?_


	8. Chapter 8

“It’ll be all right, Zayn,” Harry said, sitting at the foot of the bed and watching Zayn fiddle with the lighter in his pocket through the fabric of his jeans. “Paul found him someone to talk to. It’s a good thing.” 

The four boys were all collected on Liam’s bed, anxiously awaiting his return. 

Zayn didn’t look up from the spot on the floor upon which his eyes had been fixated. “I just don’t understand what they’re supposed to do,” he sighed. “What, like, the shrink is just going to convince him that it’s not going to happen again?”

“No,” Niall said, shaking his head. “Not quite like that.”

Louis looked at Niall curiously. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not that Liam thinks he’s going to get attacked again,” Niall replied. “I don’t think that’s quite the issue."

Louis cocked his head to the side. What did Niall know that he didn’t?

“What is it then?” asked Zayn.

Niall looked down, fiddling with the fringe on the pillowcase beside him. “Well,” he began uncomfortably, “you all know that I have trouble with closed-in spaces.”

Harry nodded. “Right.”

“Be honest, now,” Niall said. “If I’m trapped in something like an elevator, do you think that I actually believe that something terrible is going to happen to me?”

Louis hesitated. “I suppose I’ve never really thought about it,” he said, “but I assumed so.”

Niall smiled somewhat sadly and shook his head. “It’s not like that,” he said.

“What is it then?” Zayn asked. “What is it that makes you freak out?”

“That’s just it,” Niall said with a sigh. “Claustrophobia is not like a regular fear. With a normal fear, you feel afraid because there's some kind of threat, and you think something bad is going to happen. Phobias aren't rational like that. If I’m trapped in a small space, I know that, realistically, nothing is going to happen to me, but it doesn’t matter whether or not I’m actually in danger. It sets off a fear response no matter what. It has to do with stress hormones. It’s like a trigger. My heart starts pounding, it gets harder to breathe… it’s not something that I can control.”

Zayn nodded slowly. “I get that,” he said. “That’s how I am with open water. Like, I’m not actually _afraid_ of anything, I just… don’t want anything to do with it.”

Louis stared at Niall in disbelief. He had never thought about anything like that before, and he was frankly surprised by how much Niall seemed to know about the subject. “Well,” he said, clearing his throat, “thanks for that, Professor Wikipedia.”

Niall laughed. “In all seriousness, though,” he said, “what Liam is going through may not be exactly the same thing, but it might be similar. He may not think that he’s actually in danger, but that doesn’t mean that he can do anything about the anxiety that he’s feeling over what happened to him.”

“What do you do about it, then?” Harry asked, suddenly looking saddened. “If it’s not about convincing him that he’s safe… how do we help him?”

Niall averted his gaze again. “That’s the part I’m not so sure about,” he said quietly.

Louis felt sick.

Zayn stood up quickly from the bed. “Going to get some fresh air,” he muttered, grabbing his jacket off of a chair near the door.

Louis tumbled off of the bed in nearly as much haste. “I’ll come with you,” he said hurriedly, grabbing his shoes and following Zayn out the door, not noticing that he was being followed by Harry’s glistening eyes.

“Lou…” Harry said softly.

“Not smoking, Haz,” Louis said quickly. “Just stepping out. We’ll be back, yeah?”

He ducked his head and slipped out of the hotel room just behind Zayn, neglecting to grab a jacket along the way. Zayn headed straight for the stairs instead of the elevator, but Louis didn’t question it. He just needed to get out of there. He might have been tempted to believe that Niall’s knowledge of psychology was a bit dubious were it not for the fact that he found himself completely incapable of fighting the wave of panic suddenly washing over him. 

Wordlessly, the two of them hurried down the stairs until they reached the first floor and Zayn shoved open the exit. Louis stumbled out after him into the afternoon sunlight.

“All right, Tommo?” Zayn asked, pulling out a cigarette and placing it between his lips.

“Yeah,” Louis breathed, leaning against the side of the building and tilting his head back.

Zayn lit the cigarette and took a long drag, closing his eyes as he exhaled. “I’m not giving you one, you know. Not letting you start.”

“Not what I’m after,” Louis said, scrubbing his hands across his face. “Fuck.”

Zayn nodded knowingly. “I know.”

Louis dropped his arms down to his sides and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “What are we supposed to do?” he asked helplessly.

“That’s just it isn’t it?” Zayn responded, raising the cigarette to his lips again.

Louis shivered under the fall sunshine. Zayn sidled a bit closer and slipped his free arm over Louis’ shoulders.

Louis pulled his left hand out of his pocket in favour of reaching up and taking a hold of Zayn’s wrist. He let out a shaky sigh as his head fell to Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn turned his head to the side to avoid blowing smoke in Louis’ direction. “We just need to be there for him, I think,” he said.

“Yeah,” Louis said, his voice cracking unexpectedly. He turned away from Zayn, but he felt Zayn tightening his grip in response.

“It’s okay,” Zayn said softly.

Louis blinked back tears. “ _Fuck…_ ” he whispered. “Why is this affecting me so much?”

“Because it’s Liam,” Zayn said simply, flicking the end of the cigarette with his thumb.

Louis watched the ashes flutter to the ground. “It’s Liam,” he repeated.

“You care about him,” Zayn said.

“Yeah,” Louis said, sniffling. “We all do.”

Zayn nodded slowly, taking one last drag off of the cigarette before dropping it onto the ground and scuffing at along the pavement with his shoe.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Louis asked quietly.

Zayn looked thoughtful for a moment, but he shook his head. “I don’t know anything,” he said.

Louis turned loose of Zayn’s wrist and let his hand drop to his side. Zayn gave Louis a final squeeze before withdrawing his arm slightly, allowing it to come to rest on Louis’ shoulder.

Louis pulled back just enough to look at Zayn. Zayn met Louis’ gaze but said nothing.

“What is it?” Louis sniffed.

Zayn regarded Louis with what looked like mild curiosity. He reached up and brushed away the single tear on Louis’ cheek with his thumb, then studied Louis carefully.

“ _What?_ ” Louis implored, the sharpness of his voice providing a stark contrast to the softness of Zayn’s expression.

Zayn offered little more than a sad smile. “Nothing,” he said, sliding his hand down and taking a hold of Louis’ arm. “Let’s go back up, yeah?”

Louis stared back at Zayn searchingly but quickly arrived at the conclusion that he wouldn't be getting an answer out of him anytime soon, considering that he wasn't even sure what his question was. He nodded numbly and allowed Zayn to lead him back into the stairwell. 

He was about to suggest that they take the elevators back up, but Zayn had already started climbing the stairs. Louis followed reluctantly, his feet feeling heavier with every step he climbed. He was exhausted by the time they finally reached their floor, but that made the effortless walk down the hall feel that much more rewarding.

"Do you have Liam's room key?" Zayn asked.

"Yeah," Louis said, pulling the key card out of his breast pocket.

Zayn smiled as he took the card from Louis. "Always close to your heart," he said quietly as he unlocked the door.

The two of them looked up as they stepped into the hotel room, surprised to see Liam sitting on the bed between Niall and Harry. Liam looked up when they entered, and his face visibly brightened upon catching sight of Louis, causing Louis to feel a surge that he didn't quite know how to deal with.

"Hey," Zayn said, his eyes lighting up. 

"Liam," Louis said softly, instinctively kneeling down on the floor in front of Liam while Zayn slipped in behind him on the bed.

“Hey,” Liam replied with a weak smile. 

“How did it go?” Louis asked, resting a hand on Liam’s knee.

Liam shrugged. “Good, I guess. We just… talked. She was nice.”

“What did she say?” Zayn asked.

Liam eyes fell to his lap. “I don’t… really remember, to be honest,” he said quietly. “She just kind of prompted me to talk about what happened, and… yeah. I dunno. Just… how to… deal with it… I guess…”

Harry could see Liam’s cheeks turning pink as he trailed off. “You don’t have to talk about it, Liam,” he said. 

Liam flushed a bit brighter. “It’s not… it’s not that you… it’s just… I don’t…”

Louis rubbed Liam’s knee. “Really, Liam. You don’t have to tell us anything you’re not comfortable with.

Liam nodded, biting his lip.

Louis’ eyes were drawn to Liam’s lap, where he was fidgeting with something that he kept hidden in his left hand.

“What have you got?” Louis asked curiously.

“Nothing,” Liam said quickly, tightening his grip on whatever he was holding.

Niall gave Liam’s other hand a squeeze. “It’s all right, Liam,” Niall said. “Show him.”

Liam hesitated, then reluctantly opened his hand with his palm facing upward, revealing a small bottle of pills.

Louis gingerly took the bottle from Liam and held it up so that he could read the label. “Xanax…” he murmured.

“I haven’t taken any,” Liam blurted. “I swear!”

Louis looked back up at Liam, confused. “It’s fine if you did,” he said, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Is there a reason why you shouldn’t?”

Liam shifted nervously in his spot. “It’s a bad idea,” he said. “I shouldn’t… I mean, I shouldn’t be taking _pills_ over this…”

“You’re making it sound like you’re experimenting with drugs, Liam,” Zayn said. “It’s not like that. If it was _prescribed_ to you, then…”

“I shouldn’t do it,” Liam repeated, his breathing becoming shallower. “I can’t be on drugs! When I’m on… onstage… people will notice right away, and they’ll think I’m an addict, but then if I don’t perform at all, then who KNOWS what they’ll think, and…”

“Liam, Liam, relax,” Harry said, taking Liam’s shaking hand in his own and rubbing lightly over his palm. “You don’t have to worry about any of that right now.”

“Are you _supposed _to be taking these?” Louis asked, holding the bottle of pills out to Liam. “If it’s medical advice, then you…”__

__“No,” Liam said sharply, “no, she said they’re just for if I need them, and I don’t need them, so can you please, just… can you take them?” he pleaded suddenly, looking desperately at Louis._ _

__Louis tilted his head to the side. “You want me to hold onto them?”_ _

__“Please?” Liam begged. “I don’t want them. I don’t want to touch them. I don’t…”_ _

__“Okay, Liam,” Louis said assuredly. “I’ll look after them.” He shoved the bottle of pills in his pocket and then looked back up at Liam._ _

__“Thank… thank you…” Liam panted._ _

__Louis straightened up and in leaned in, wrapping his arms around Liam. Liam’s forehead dropped heavily onto Louis’ shoulder as he let out a sigh, letting his arms drape around the older boy’s neck._ _

__Harry squeezed Liam’s shoulder affectionately and slowly stood up. “I’ll be right back,” he said. “Just going to make a phone call.”_ _

__“Sounds good, Haz,” Niall murmured, rubbing Liam’s back._ _

__As Harry stepped out into the hallway, Zayn took his place next to Liam. “Have you told your family yet?” he asked._ _

__Liam shook his head slightly against Louis’ shoulder. “No, not yet,” he sighed, slowly (…reluctantly?) pulling away from Louis. “I Skyped with Nicola earlier, but I didn’t say anything about… anything.”_ _

__“She didn’t question this?” Niall asked, lightly tracing his finger under the gash that ran just above Liam’s eyebrow._ _

__“No, I wore a snapback to cover it,” Liam admitted._ _

__“When are you going to tell them?” Zayn asked._ _

__“Not yet,” Liam said. “If I tell them about it now, over the phone or something, it’s all my mum will be thinking about. She’ll just be at home, worrying that…” He shuddered suddenly and shook his head. “No, I need to tell her in person.”_ _

__Zayn’s mouth had formed a tight line, but his face relaxed somewhat when Liam mentioned the prospect of saying something to Karen. “All right,” he said slowly, nodding. “Whenever you’re ready.”_ _

__“Enough about all that, anyway,” Liam said, suddenly dismissive. “How are all you lads doing?”_ _

__Niall let out a sharp laugh. “Just fine, Liam.”_ _

__Liam looked down at Louis questioningly, his eyes flickering with genuine concern._ _

__Louis glared at Liam mockingly. “I’m fine, DAD,” he sassed._ _

__Liam ducked his head._ _

__Louis grinned and reached up to ruffle Liam’s hair, struck by the sight of what appeared to be a candid smile spreading across Liam’s face._ _

__“I SAW that,” Louis said, pinching Liam’s cheek._ _

__Liam tried to squirm away, but the smile stayed put. “Stop it,” he said, swatting at Louis’ hand._ _

__Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam and nuzzled the side of his face._ _

__“ZAYN!” he laughed, trying to writhe out of Zayn’s grasp. Unfortunately, this meant leaning against Niall, who responded by tickling Liam underneath the arms._ _

__“LADS!” he gasped as the relentless affection forced him back down onto the mattress._ _

__The laughter that rang in Louis’ ears made him want to weep. He was only now realizing how long it had been since he had seen Liam reveling in pure joy._ _

__He wasn’t aware that he had been staring until he was brought back to reality by his phone vibrating in his pocket. He raised an eyebrow upon pulling it out and laying eyes upon a message from Harry:_ _

__**Can I talk to you in the hall ?** _ _

__Louis glanced up toward the bed and saw that the other three still seemed to be thoroughly distracted, so he thought it best to slip out without announcing his departure. He found Harry waiting for him just outside the door, fiddling with his phone._ _

__“Something wrong?” he whispered, closing the door quietly behind him._ _

__“No, all is well,” Harry said. “I just talked to Paul about Liam’s medication and wanted to tell you about it, but not in front of Liam.”_ _

__“Right,” Louis said. “What did Paul say?”_ _

__“He briefly talked to the psychiatrist after she saw Liam,” Harry explained. “She told him that she prescribed Xanax for Liam for him to take as needed.”_ _

__“The name sounds familiar,” Louis said. “Isn’t that the thing that nervous flyers take when they’re too afraid to get on a plane?”_ _

__“I think I’ve heard of that,” Harry said. “That makes sense. It’s supposed to have a calming effect, so Liam can take it if he starts having an anxiety attack or if he’s having trouble falling asleep at night.”_ _

__Louis nodded. “Seems simple enough.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Harry said, “but Paul had to take Liam to fill the prescription, and apparently Liam is really worried about the whole thing.”_ _

__“I got that impression,” Louis said. “It is just the idea of taking drugs that’s making him uncomfortable?”_ _

__“Maybe,” Harry said. “Paul said that he was worried about addiction, dependence, withdrawal…”_ _

__“I suppose I can’t really blame him,” Louis said dismally._ _

__“Paul said there’s nothing to be worried about, though,” Harry said. “The psychiatrist assured him that Liam isn’t going to become addicted to it just from short-term occasional use. Paul made that very clear: he wants to make sure Liam takes the medication if he needs it.”_ _

__“That’s where we come in, isn’t it?” Louis asked, smiling a little._ _

__Harry let out a chuckle. “Yes, I suppose we might have to babysit him a little. More importantly, though, Paul wants us to keep an eye out for side effects.”_ _

__Louis’ smile faded. “Side effects?”_ _

__Harry nodded. “She told Paul that the pills might make Liam seem forgetful, disoriented, or abnormally tired. Things like drowsiness and dizziness are fairly common and nothing to be too worried about, but we should let Paul know right away if Liam starts showing signs of anything more serious, like fever, stomach pains, memory loss, fainting, or…” He cut himself off when he caught sight of the look on Louis’ face. “Lou, those things aren’t common. It’s just something we should keep an eye out for, just in case.”_ _

__Louis withdrew the bottle of Xanax and studied the label carefully. “Maybe Liam won’t even need them,” he said wistfully._ _

__Harry shrugged. “He might, he might not.”_ _

__Louis remained quiet, staring sullenly at the bottle of pills in his hand._ _

__Harry lowered his head, trying to meet Louis’ eyes. “You all right, Lou?”_ _

__Louis hesitated. “Why did Liam give me the pills?”_ _

__Harry regarded Louis gently. “He trusts you more than he trusts himself.”_ _

__Closing his hand around the pill bottle, Louis sighed. “He’ll come to regret that, I’m sure.”_ _

__Harry smiled. “Not bloody likely,” he said, sliding an arm over Louis’ shoulders._ _

__Louis smiled back. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Harold.”_ _

__Harry looked down to check the time on his phone screen. “We should grab the other three,” he said. “Paul wants to have a meeting with us about the show before we head to dinner.”_ _

__“Why?” asked Louis, turning around and unlocking the door._ _

__“Don’t know,” Harry said. “I think he just wants to see how we’re all feeling about it or something. If we feel ready.”_ _

__“Yeah, all right,” Louis said as he opened the door, chuckling when he saw Niall, Liam, and Zayn still merrily sprawled out over the bed. “How soon are we supposed to be there?”_ _

__“We should probably go now,” Harry replied, strolling into the room just behind Louis._ _

__Niall, apparently in mid laugh as a response to something Zayn said, looked up at Harry. “Go where?”_ _

__Zayn rose to a sitting position, looking up curiously. Liam followed suit._ _

__“Meet up with Paul,” Harry said, glancing down at his phone again. “He wants to talk to us about the performance.”_ _

__Since no one else was looking directly at Liam, Louis was the only one who bore witness to him turning as white as sheet. Upon seeing Liam’s face plummet, Louis’ own fell nearly as rapidly._ _

__“What about it?” Zayn asked._ _

__Harry shrugged, putting his phone back in his pockets. “My best guess is that it’s going to be a pep talk sort of thing. We’re on in three days, so he probably just wants to see if we’re up for it, and…”_ _

__Liam bolted from the bed so quickly that he nearly tripped over his own ankles as he stumbled toward the bathroom._ _

__“Liam!” Louis exclaimed, immediately hot on Liam’s heels. He threw himself in the way of the door just before Liam succeeded in closing it. Liam whirled around and stared at Louis with wide eyes, chest heaving, as Louis shut and locked the door behind him._ _

__“Liam,” Louis repeated, trying to keep his voice steady. “What is it?”_ _

__Liam shook his head, his eyes not straying from Louis’. “Show… three days…”_ _

__Louis stepped forward and took hold of Liam’s hands. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Liam,” he said firmly._ _

__Liam shook his head again. “Three days. That’s not… how am I sup… sup-p-posed t-to…”_ _

__“Breathe, Liam,” Louis said anxiously. “Everything is fine. Just breathe.” He tugged Liam gently by the wrists and pulled him in close, wrapping his arms around him. He could feel Liam’s heart racing and was well aware of his own trying to keep up._ _

__“I c-can’t… I _can’t_ …” Liam gasped. He clutched at the back of Louis’ shirt, his fingers digging lightly into his skin._ _

__“Shhhh…” Louis whispered, suddenly unsure of which one of them was shaking more violently. “It’s okay…”_ _

__As the painfully familiar scene unfolded before him, the image of Liam collapsing in his arms backstage flashed before Louis’ eyes. Once again, he could do nothing but watch helplessly as the unbearable panic took hold of Liam._ _

__Unless…_ _

__“Liam,” Louis said suddenly, fumbling between them and wrestling the little bottle of pills from his pocket. “Take one of these.”_ _

__Liam pulled back slightly and stared at the little plastic capsule in Louis’ hand, his quivering arms still resting on Louis’ shoulders. “N-no…” he whimpered. “What if… it will…”_ _

__“You won’t become addicted,” Louis said hurriedly. “No one will think you’re on drugs, nothing bad will happen. It will just make you feel better, Liam. I promise. Just take one, yeah?” He hurriedly popped the cap off of the bottle and shook one of the pills into his hand, holding it out to Liam._ _

__Liam stared fixedly at the little orange pill in Louis’ palm, his eyes bright with tears._ _

__“It’s okay, Liam,” Louis said desperately. “It’s just one. Here…” He grabbed an empty cup from the counter and quickly filled it with water, then held it out to Liam along with the pill. “It’s just one. You don’t ever have to do it again if you don’t want to, but for right now, let it make you feel better, please?”_ _

__Liam’s fear-filled eyes locked onto Louis’. With trembling hands, he picked up the pill and the cup of water and raised the pill to his lips, his eyes silently begging for reassurance._ _

__Louis nodded. “Go ahead. It will be fine.”_ _

__Liam inhaled shakily and placed the pill on his tongue, gulping it down with a sip of water before he could change his mind._ _

__Louis enveloped Liam in his embrace once again. “Good,” he said. “You did so good, Liam. Want to sit down for a bit now?”_ _

__Liam nodded quickly and allowed Louis to take him by the arm and sit him down gently on the edge of the bathtub. Louis took a seat next to Liam and slipped an arm behind him, prompting Liam to lean in and rest his head on Louis’ shoulder. His shallow breathing still worried Louis, but he didn’t appear to be trembling as much as he had been before._ _

__“Do you want to talk about it?” Louis asked tentatively._ _

__Liam shook his head and moved in closer, wrapping an arm around Louis’ waist._ _

__“It’s okay,” Louis said softly, relieved that Liam would be oblivious to the lone tear sliding down his cheek._ _

__There was a light knock at the bathroom door._ _

__“Just give us a minute, yeah?” Louis called out, his voice threatening to waver._ _

__“Lou, we’re just going to head down to talk to Paul,” Harry called through the door. “You don’t have to come down right away. Whenever you’re ready, okay?”_ _

__“Okay,” Louis said gratefully. “Thanks, Haz.”_ _

__Louis nuzzled Liam lightly. “You hear that? Whenever you’re ready, Liam.”_ _

__Liam nodded, holding Louis a little tighter._ _

__*******************_ _

__Once Liam was sufficiently calm, Louis brought him downstairs to join the other boys for dinner, but they were intercepted by Paul as they headed to the table._ _

__“Can I talk to the two of you for just a moment?” he asked._ _

__“Yeah,” Louis said uncomfortably. “What’s wrong?”_ _

__“Oh, nothing’s wrong,” Paul said reassuringly. “I just wanted to check in with you and see how you were feeling about the show coming up.”_ _

__Louis shrugged somewhat dismissively. “It’s like any other show, isn’t it?”_ _

__Paul smiled. “I know this isn’t your first rodeo or anything,” he said, “but it’s a big show, being back at Madison Square Garden, so I just wanted to… I don’t know, isn’t it my job to be looking after you?”_ _

__Louis smiled half-heartedly. He knew that Paul meant well, but he also knew what Paul was really meaning to ask._ _

__“I’ve already spoken to the other three,” Paul continued. “The general consensus seems to be that everybody’s nervous, but excited.”_ _

__“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Louis said._ _

__Paul tilted his head to the side, eyeing the sullen form of Liam standing silently next to Louis. “Liam?”_ _

__Liam lifted his head as Louis slipped an arm around him protectively._ _

__“If you’re not feeling well enough to perform…”_ _

__“I am,” Liam said quickly. “I won’t let you down. I promise.”_ _

__Paul smiled sadly at Liam. “Liam, you don’t need to worry about letting anyone down. You need to look after yourself. Our number one priority is making sure that you’re okay, and…”_ _

__“I’m fine, Paul,” Liam said. “Really. There’s nothing to worry about.”_ _

__Paul regarded Liam steadily for a moment. It was rather obvious that he was prepared to press the issue further but knew better than to do so. He patted Liam gently on the shoulder and said, “You boys get something to eat. I’ll talk to you later on.”_ _

__The unspoken “this isn’t over” hung heavily in the air as Louis and Liam made their way over to the dinner table._ _

__“Hey,” Niall said, looking up as the two of them approached._ _

__“Lads,” Louis said, giving a nod as he took a seat to the left of Harry._ _

__Harry watched Liam take a seat on the other side of Louis. Reaching for the pitcher of water in the middle of the table, he discreetly leaned in toward Louis and whispered, “Did he take…”_ _

__“Yeah,” Louis whispered back._ _

__“And?”_ _

__Louis glanced sideways at Liam, who was sitting with his hands folded in his lap and staring down at the table. He slowly turned back to Harry. “Calmed him down, all right.”_ _

__“Anything making you nervous?”_ _

__Louis bit his lip. “He’s just really quiet,” he replied, “but we’re keeping an eye on him, yeah?”_ _

__Harry nodded, turning his attention to the food being placed on the table by one of the servers. The two of them began occupying themselves with the task of putting their plates together, not wanting to continue discussing Liam’s condition right in front of him._ _

__“Hungry, Liam?” Louis asked, offering Liam the mashed potatoes._ _

__Liam raised and lowered his shoulder._ _

__“Should eat something though, yeah?” Louis said gently, giving Liam a little nudge._ _

__Liam nodded solemnly and accepted the dish from Louis, slowly adding some potatoes to his plate._ _

__As dinner progressed, Louis fell nearly as silent as Liam, unconsciously tuning out of the idle chatter of the other three boys. He watched as Liam slowly moved the food around on his plate without really eating any of it. A sideways glance at Liam’s face revealed an incredibly heavy pair of eyelids. Louis wasn’t the only one to notice._ _

__“Are you all right, Liam?” Zayn asked, eyeing the younger boy with concern._ _

__“M'grand,” Liam said dimly._ _

__Niall looked over at Liam’s plate. “Can you eat anything?” he asked._ _

__Liam hesitated, then shook his head._ _

__Louis set his own fork down, having lost interest in eating long ago. “What do you feel right now?” he asked, rubbing Liam’s back soothingly._ _

__“Tired,” Liam said softly, keeping his head down._ _

__“Do you just want to go back up to the room?” Louis asked._ _

__Liam nodded, letting his weary eyes close._ _

__Louis turned to the others. “I’m going to go back up with Liam now, if that’s all right.”_ _

__Harry nodded. “Sounds good. We’ll meet you lads back up there as soon as we’re done.”_ _

__Louis watched Liam rise to his feet rather sluggishly and slipped his arm around Liam’s waist for support, pushing his chair back in with the other hand. “No rush,” Louis said to the others. “Probably just end up turning in soon.”_ _

__“We’ll check in on you anyway,” Niall said, “but if we don’t see you, g’night, boys!”_ _

__“Night, Niall,” Louis said, smiling feebly over his shoulder as he led Liam out of the dining hall and over to the elevators._ _

__As they waited for the elevator to come down, Louis studied Liam carefully. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling?” he asked._ _

__“Jsstired,” Liam said, closing his eyes again and leaning against Louis._ _

__“Do you feel sick at all?” Louis asked, hoping that his tone was more indicative of curiosity than concern._ _

__“No, m’not sick,” Liam mumbled. “Jss’not verhungry s’all.”_ _

__Liam’s slurred speech did not make his words particularly difficult to understand, but it filled Louis with a different kind of uncertainty. He gave Liam a squeeze and said, “Let’s just get you to bed, yeah?”_ _

__By the time they made it back up to the room, Liam seemed ready to collapse, so Louis hastened to ready him for sleep. “You fine with the joggers?” he asked, helping Liam slip out of his T-shirt._ _

__“Yeah,” he replied softly._ _

__Louis guided the less-than-steady Liam over to the bed and folded back a corner of the comforter. He helped Liam slide in under the covers before taking a seat next to him. Liam’s response was slow but immediate, his arms automatically circling Louis’ waist as he leaned and rested his head against Louis’ chest._ _

__“Lfffyou,” he mumbled sleepily._ _

__Louis stroked Liam’s hair absentmindedly. “I’m sorry, Liam?”_ _

__“Seddelluffyou,” Liam repeated, his voice falling to a whisper._ _

__Louis felt Liam still against him, perhaps in response to the feeling of Louis’ heart fluttering in his chest._ _

__Liam’s eyes opened slowly. “Lou…” he said quietly._ _

__“I… I love you too, Liam,” Louis replied, instantly feeling sick over the hint of hesitation that he heard in his own voice._ _

__Liam said nothing, remaining unnervingly still._ _

__“Liam…” Louis whimpered._ _

__After a moment’s pause, Liam slowly raised his head to look at Louis. Louis, unable to stop himself, reached up and gently traced his fingers along the side of Liam’s cheek, marveling at the candor that shone from his previously listless eyes. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but any and all words that had been threatening to escape were immediately lost on Louis’ lips as they connected with Liam’s._ _

__In that moment, Louis was certain about nothing other than the fact that both of them were forgetting to breathe. He began to pull back, but when Liam surged upward in response, Louis pressed forward again helplessly, sliding his hand behind Liam’s neck. Liam’s hand came up to rest just over Louis’ pounding heart. Their lips moved together ever so softly, and yet there was a palpable sense of desperation and longing between them. A need for closeness, a fervent search for answers…_ _

__When they finally broke contact, Liam’s head fell immediately to Louis’ chest as a deep, shuddering breath escaped his own. Louis rested his hand gently upon Liam’s head. Dazed and disoriented, he looked around the room wildly as if expecting to find an explanation for what had just happened written on the walls._ _

__Liam seemed to have all but melted into Louis’ embrace, and his breathing had slowed considerably. Louis should not have been particularly surprised to see that Liam had fallen asleep so quickly, given that he had witnessed him succumbing rapidly to the effects of the medication._ _

__The medication that he had advised Liam to take._ _

__Louis' blood ran cold as Harry’s words rang in his ears._ _

_He trusts you more than he trusts himself._

__Louis felt instantly sick as he fought to comprehend what he had just done. He looked down at the vulnerable, fragile boy asleep on his chest, watching him rise and fall with each one of Louis’ deep, panicky breaths. Though he was fully overwhelmed with feelings that he did not understand, there was one unshakable notion that remained painfully clear: Liam had trusted him completely, and Louis had responded by taking advantage of him in his compromised state._ _

__Slowly and gingerly, Louis lifted Liam by the shoulders and slid out from underneath him, laying him down on the mattress. Liam did not stir. Louis pulled the blanket up over Liam’s shoulders and glanced down at him one more time before turning and all but running out of the room._ _

__He yanked the door open and stumbled into the hallway, colliding with Zayn as he did so._ _

__“Jesus Christ, lad,” Niall exclaimed. “Where’s the fire?”_ _

__“S-sorry,” Louis gasped, resting a hand on Zayn’s shoulder. His timing was impeccable, as the other three boys were evidently just returning from dinner._ _

__“Louis!” Harry said sharply. “You’re shaking. What’s wrong?!”_ _

__“Harry,” Louis said desperately, “I need you to stay with Liam tonight. I can’t… he can’t be alone… I…”_ _

__Harry took hold of Louis arms and looked at him searchingly. “What are you talking about? What happened?”_ _

__Louis wrestled Liam’s room key out of his pocket and placed it in Harry’s hand. “Please, Haz,” he begged. “Just look after him, yeah?” He pulled himself out of Harry’s grasp and ran down the hall to his own room before anyone could say another word._ _

He slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, tears streaming down his face. He had _kissed Liam._ How could he have done that when Liam had no idea what was going on? How would Liam ever forgive him for this? How could he forgive himself?

Louis buried his face in his hands and prayed that at the very least, Liam wouldn’t remember a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for posting such a letdown of a chapter after neglecting this fic for so long. I promise not to wait another four months before posting the conclusion.
> 
> I'd like to extend a "thank you" to KingLiloLuv, TheSameEmily, and Ebb_Tide for pushing me to continue with this story even though I was ready to give up and delete the damned thing.


	9. Chapter 9

“Lou… hey, wake up…”

Louis’ eyes snapped open and were instantly greeted by a pair of cloudy green ones.

“Haz…” he croaked.

“You were having a bad dream,” Harry mumbled drowsily. “Kept kicking me.”

As the fog lifted and the memory of the previous night came into focus, Louis couldn’t help as though he was waking up into a nightmare instead of waking up from one.

_Liam…_

Louis’ eyes sharpened as he lifted his head. “Why are you… you left Liam… You can't just... he can’t be alone! You said you would…”

“Zayn’s with him,” Harry yawned, grabbing Louis’ shirt and pulling him back down onto the mattress. “He’s fine. Go back to sleep.”

“Who’s with Niall, then?” Louis asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Niall passed out right after dinner,” Harry said, “so I just came in to check on you.”

“Check on me? Why?” Louis asked bitterly, failing to see how he was worthy of Harry’s concern.

“Because something was wrong,” Harry replied. “You were upset. I don’t know what happened, but I wasn’t about to leave you alone.”

“Oh just go _away,_ ” Louis groaned, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face into the pillow.

“No such luck,” Harry said, stretching his arm out and draping it across Louis’ back.

“Dammit, Harry,” Louis choked. “Can’t you just… just…” He was cut off by a sudden sob.

Harry rubbed Louis’ back gently. “You won’t tell me what happened?”

Louis shook his head against the pillow.

Harry pulled himself closer to Louis and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

******************************

“Lou?”

“Hmmm?” Louis hummed, not opening his eyes.

“Coming down for breakfast?”

It took Louis a moment to clear his mind, but no sooner had he opened his eyes than the memories came flooding back once again, drowning him in regret. 

"No," he said sharply. "Not hungry."

"Why don't I believe that?" Harry asked, sitting back down on the bed beside Louis.

"I don't care," Louis said. "Just leave me alone."

Harry paused. "All right," he said, "but you can't avoid Liam forever."

"I'm not," Louis groaned. "Shut up."

Harry patted Louis on the shoulder, then stood up to leave the room.

As soon as Louis heard the door close behind Harry, he let out a groan. No, he couldn't avoid Liam forever, but he was sure as hell willing to try. He didn't know how he would ever be able to face Liam again after what he had done. What could he possibly say? How could he bring himself to look into Liam's broken, listless eyes, knowing that he was the one who robbed them of their light?

He buried his face in the pillow once again and waited for sleep to shield him from this mess that he had created.

*********************

Louis steadfastly ignored the knock on his door that was responsible for dragging him from the security of slumber. Nonetheless, after a moment of silence, he heard a card being inserted into the reader slot, followed by the click of the door opening. He didn't lift his face from the pillow, nor did he ask who was there; he was fairly certain that he didn't need to. He felt the mattress sag just slightly as somebody sat down. 

"You want to tell me what happened?" Zayn asked.

"Nothing," Louis growled. 

"Very convincing," Zayn said with a nod. 

"Go away," said Louis. 

"I'll find out eventually," Zayn said. "Would you prefer that I ask Liam?"

Louis' head snapped up at that. "Don't..." he said, stopping himself quickly.

The softness in Zayn's tone surprised Louis. "So something _did_ happen between you two."

Louis remained silent for a moment, then slowly turned over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "I fucked up," he said quietly. "That's what happened."

Zayn looked down at Louis. "Care to be more specific?"

Louis shook his head. "How is Liam?" he asked, still avoiding eye contact with Zayn.

"He's good," Zayn said. "Really good. He slept really well last night, and he was eating this morning."

Louis' shoulders sagged as some of the tension was lifted away. "Good..." he murmured. "That's so good."

"He was looking for you, though," Zayn added.

Louis' eyes finally connected with Zayn's. "What?"

"He was asking why you weren't at breakfast," Zayn replied, "and he kept looking over his shoulder to see if you were coming. He wants to see you."

"No, he doesn't," Louis snapped. "I'm the last person he wants to see right now."

Zayn raised an eyebrow. "Sure about that?"

"I kissed him," Louis blurted. "I was putting him to bed, and he told me he loved me, and before I knew it, I was kissing him. I didn't even... _fuck_ , that was obviously not what he meant, but... I don't know what I was thinking... just..."

His breathing started to quicken as Zayn took a moment to process the information. 

"You kissed him," he said slowly. "And then what?"

"Then he was asleep," Louis said, his voice, his voice cracking on the final syllable.

Zayn raised an eyebrow. "Okay, he fell asleep, but before that..."

"No," Louis choked. "He was just asleep. It was the medication... he was so drowsy. Like we were... we were kissing, and then he was asleep. He was so... he probably had no idea what was going on, and I did that. What was I _thinking?_ How could I _do_ that to..." He covered his mouth with his hand as his eyes began to well with tears.

Alarmed, Zayn slipped a hand over Louis' shoulder and squeezed gently. He had never seen Louis so worked up before. "Hey, hey," he said gently. "It's okay. What do-"

"It's NOT okay!" Louis cried, shielding his eyes with his forearm as the tears threatened to spill. "He _trusted_ me! He needed me to be there for him, and I... I took advantage of him."

Zayn's brow furrowed. "Took _advantage..._ what are you talking about?"

"He needed me," Louis whimpered. "He needed me to be there for him, and I wasn't. I betrayed him. He didn't know what was going on. God, what if he remembers what happened? How is he going to..."

"Louis," Zayn said firmly, taking a hold of Louis' arm with his free hand and pulling him up to a sitting position, his other hand still resting on Louis' shoulder. "Slow down. Why are you in such a panic about this?" 

"He didn't know what was going on," Louis sniffed. "He was _sedated_... he was so tired, and probably scared, and there I was, just..." He looked up at Zayn helplessly. Much to his dismay, Zayn was blinking back at him, looking completely baffled. Louis turned his head away from Zayn, swiping at his eyes.

"I mean..." Zayn began slowly, "I know Liam hasn't been himself lately with everything that's been going on, but it's not like he... Christ, Louis. It's not like he was on morphine. He knew what was happening. Did he kiss you back?"

"Zayn, don't," Louis said quickly, shaking his head. "I don't expect you to understand, but I _need_ you to understand so that you can help me figure out what to do!" 

Zayn slid his hand down from Louis' shoulder and rubbed lightly across his back. "You need to talk to Liam," he said. "Find out how he feels. Tell him how you feel."

Louis' eyes glistened. "What do you mean... how I feel?"

Zayn bit back a smirk. "Don't tell me that after all this, you're going to deny that you have feelings for Liam."

Louis stared back at Zayn. This was certainly not the time to be at a loss for words. Zayn was waiting patiently for the response that Louis had yet to consider.

"I..." he swallowed. "I don't..."

Zayn nodded. "It's okay. You can say it."

Louis lowered his head, trying in vain to blink back a new wave of tears. "I feel..."

Zayn squeezed Louis' hand.

A faint sob escaped as the tears splattered softly on the blanket below. "I love him," Louis whispered. "So much."

"I know you do," Zayn said softly, pulling Louis forward by the arm and inviting him to rest his forehead upon Zayn's shoulder.

"I don't want him to hate me," Louis choked.

Zayn circled his arms around Louis' trembling form. "Hate you?" he echoed. "How could Liam possibly hate you? He loves you. He _needs_ you!"

"Exactly," Louis cried. "He needs me, and I let him down. I can't..." He wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck, sobbing quietly.

"You did no such thing," Zayn said, gently rubbing at Louis' back, "but you will be letting him down if you keep trying to avoid him. You need to talk to him."

"What am I supposed to say?" Louis whispered desperately. "There's nothing that I can... _fuck,_ this is so wrong..." 

Zayn pulled back from Louis and stared at him intently. "Just talk to him," he said. "What you're doing right now isn't good for anyone, certainly not for Liam."

Louis nodded slowly, sniffling and wiping at his eyes.

"Come on," Zayn said, clapping Louis lightly on the shoulder and standing up. "Get dressed. Come get something to eat."

Louis inhaled deeply and sighed. "I will," he said. "I'll be down in a bit. Just give me a minute, yeah? I'll meet you down there."

Zayn pulled out his phone out of his pocket. "We're supposed to go for soundcheck in a bit."

"Why so early?" Louis asked with a sniff.

"Don't know," Zayn replied. "Probably want to get it out of the way so that we're not scrambling tomorrow."

"Yeah, I guess," Louis shrugged. "At any rate, I won't be long. I'll see you downstairs after."

"All right," Zayn said. "Don't worry so much, yeah?"

Louis waved his hand dismissively at Zayn but did not respond, watching in silence as he slipped into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

Once he was alone, Louis rubbed a hand across his eyes. This was going to be a long day. Heaving a sigh, he gradually gathered enough stamina to drag himself out of bed and into the shower.

He winced as the scalding water rained down over his body, but he fought to endure the sensation as though clinging to the hope that it may cleanse him of his sins. Zayn didn't seem to think that he had anything to feel guilty about, but what did he know? With all that Liam was going through, Louis still couldn't believe that he had had the audacity to complicate the situation further.

It didn't matter how he felt about Liam. It wasn't about Louis. Liam needed him there, needed his best friend. The fact that Zayn just didn't get it didn't mean that Louis couldn't take responsibility.

When he was finally out of the shower and dressed, he made his way down to the lobby with heavy steps and a heavier heart.

Cautiously, he approached the conference room where the boys had arranged to have their breakfast and peered around the door. He spotted Zayn standing at one end of the table, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He heard Harry's voice and could only assume that he was talking to Liam somewhere out of sight.

"Hey."

He jumped at the sound of Niall's voice startling him from behind. "Jesus, Niall," he said, his heart racing.

"What're you standing out here for?" Niall asked.

"I just got here," Louis mumbled defensively. "Was making sure it was the right room."

Niall looked at Louis skeptically, then shrugged. "Yep. You coming in?"

Louis nodded reluctantly and followed Niall into the conference room. 

Liam was talking to Harry at the far end of the room. His back was turned to the door, so he didn't seem to notice that Louis and Niall had entered. Louis kept his head down, busying himself with the task of making a cup of tea that he didn't really feel like drinking.

Zayn sidled up to him. "You all right?" 

"Splendid. Thank you," Louis said curtly, stirring his tea.

Zayn eyed Louis carefully as he sipped his coffee. "Still avoiding him, I see," he said quietly.

"I am not," Louis snapped. "I'm here, aren't I?"

Zayn shrugged.

"I'll talk to him," Louis insisted. "I will."

Zayn glanced in Liam's direction. Louis followed his gaze and noticed that Liam was now standing alone, his head lowered and his hands stuffed in his pockets. Harry had stepped out of the room to answer a phone call.

Louis looked back over at Zayn, who simply nodded back at him. Louis sighed. He supposed that now was as good a time as any.

Picking up his cup of tea and taking a deep breath, Louis slowly walked over to Liam. As he got closer, he was struck by how much better Liam looked after getting a good night's rest. The dark circles had disappeared from under his eyes, and the colour was slowly but surely returning to his cheeks. Though he kept his head lowered, he was standing tall.

"Hi, Liam," Louis said, approaching him tentatively.

Liam looked up, his face instantly breaking into a smile. "Louis," he beamed.

Louis smiled back nervously. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," Liam said earnestly. "Really good."

Louis smile regained its strength. "You look good," he said. "So much better than you did last night."

"Yeah," Liam said, looking down at the ground. "Umm..." he said, shuffling his feet. "About last night..."

Louis' heart sank. Liam remembered. Any hope that he had of leaving Liam blissfully aware of his betrayal was gone.

"Last night..." Louis repeated quietly. "You... you remember much?"

Liam's cheeks turned pink. "Not really something I'd forget."

"Right..." Louis said softly. Shaking his head suddenly, he said, "Liam, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am."

Liam looked up, seemingly taken aback. "Sorry?"

"Yeah, I..." Louis faltered. "I'm so sorry, Liam," he said desperately. "I really don't know what I was thinking. I never wanted to... to make you... I mean, I don't really know what I'm saying, I'm just... I'm sorry, that's the point... I'm sorry."

Louis' eyes darted across Liam's face as he tried to read the lines that formed upon his forehead. His heart pounded unbearably loudly in his chest as he waited for a response that never came.

"It was just a mistake, Liam," Louis said, his voice beginning to rise in panic. "Please, I just..."

"A mistake..." Liam repeated quietly.

"Yeah," Louis said shakily, feeling his palms beginning to sweat. "I don't know what happened, but it just... I just hope you can forgive me."

Liam stared back at Louis looking legitimately perplexed. "Why would I... I mean, of course, I... I forgive you, Lou."

Louis' head dropped as he exhaled, overwhelmed with hesitant relief. "Thank you, Liam... I don't know what I'd do if... I was so worried..."

Liam nodded, his expression unchanged. "Yeah, I can tell."

"But we're good, yeah?" Louis asked, his eyes bright. "Everything's good? We're... we're okay?"

"We... 'fcourse we're okay," Liam replied, blinking slowly. 

"Nothing's changed?" Louis pressed. "Everything's just as it always was?"

Liam paused. "Right," he said slowly. "Nothing's changed."

"Okay," Louis breathed. "Okay. Good. That's good."

Liam bit his lip. "Well," he said. "I'm gonna go... get ready for soundcheck."

"Yeah, sounds good," Louis said, his speech still sounding unnaturally rushed. "I'll see you there, yeah? Or on the way there I suppose... yeah, you do that. I'll see you!"

Liam nodded silently and strode out of the room, presumably heading back upstairs to grab his things.

Louis turned around and headed back over to the table, taking a seat next to Niall. Zayn sat down on Louis' other side.

"Want to talk about it?" Zayn asked.

Louis shook his head vigorously and sipped his tea in silence.

Paul joined them in the conference room shortly after. "Will you boys be ready to leave soon? It's best if we get soundcheck out of the way sooner rather than later. Then, you can have the rest of the day to yourselves."

"Yeah, I'm ready whenever these lads are," Niall said.

Harry walked up just as he was hanging up the phone. "Same."

Paul looked around the room. "Where's Liam?"

"Yeah, where _did_ he go?" Zayn asked.

"Went up to his room, I think," Louis said, keeping his voice airy and casual.

Paul nodded, pulling out his phone. "I'll message him, tell him to meet us in the lobby in five minutes. I'm just going to go see if the driver is here yet."

"Might as well follow you," Harry said.

The four of them stood up and headed toward the lobby with Paul. As they strode down the hall, they passed by the elevator doors just in time to see Liam stepping out of them.

"That was fast!" Zayn said.

Liam looked up, blinking slowly at Zayn. "What was?" he asked dimly.

"Oh, good, the car's outside," Paul said, glancing out the lobby windows. "Let's go."

Louis looked sideways at Liam. As well-rested and alert as he seemed, his eyes were downcast and shoulders slouched. The poor boy looked like he'd rather be doing anything else than heading to soundcheck. Louis wished that they didn't have to do any kind of work at all, that Liam could just take his time to recover without any of the band's responsibilities weighing down upon him. 

Louis was suddenly filled with sadness. He wanted nothing more than to take Liam in his arms, to tell him that everything was all right, to kiss the glow back into his cheeks...

 _No,_ Louis told himself, shaking his head. It was not his job to be looking at Liam that way. That was no way to respect his boundaries. No matter how much it pained him, he had to let Liam go.

Once outside, Paul opened the door of the van that was waiting for the boys and gestured for them to get inside. 

Liam climbed in first, claiming a spot at the very back.

Louis looked up at Harry, who seemed to be waiting for Louis to hop in next.

"Go ahead," Louis said, taking a step back.

Harry tilted his head in confusion, but Louis avoided his gaze. Ultimately choosing not to question it, Harry climbed in and sat next to Liam. Zayn shook his head slightly but followed suit, leaving Niall and Louis with the bench seat in the center of the van.

While Harry, Zayn, and Niall talked quietly amongst themselves, Louis and Liam rode in silence, with Louis continuously reminding himself that he was doing the right thing. Keeping his distance from Liam was the best thing that he could do for him. Wasn't it?

***************************

For the most part, soundcheck was as routine as ever. They followed the same procedure as usual and ran through the predictable songs. However, the excitement and enthusiasm that normally filled the air was replaced with a heavy tension that the boys were far from accustomed to. It was certainly not the first time that they had been nervous about a performance, but there was no denying that this one was different.

"We're all set, boys," Paul called out to them once they had reconvened backstage. "The rest of the day is yours."

Relief was evident and universal, though none of the boys were quite sure what to do with themselves.

"Want to go get something to eat?" Niall asked. "Then maybe we can just head back to the hotel after and chill out a bit?"

"Works for me," Harry said. "What do you think, Liam?"

Liam nodded. "Sounds good."

"Yeah, that's fine," Zayn agreed.

The four of them looked expectantly at Louis.

Louis looked down. "Umm, actually..." he said shyly, "my mum and sisters are flying in early tonight. Figure I should spend some time with them. You lads don't mind, do you?"

"'Course not," Harry said. "By all means."

"Tell Jo I said hi," Niall said with a wink.

Louis rolled his eyes. "You're disgusting," he said. "I'm going to try to meet them at the airport... catch up with you lads later, yeah?"

"Yeah, good luck with that," Zayn said.

"Bye, Louis," Liam said quietly.

Louis looked up, startled by the sadness in Liam's voice. Not knowing what else to say, he gave a quick nod and turned to go speak to Paul. 

_It's the right thing,_ he told himself again. _It has to be this way._

***************************************

Spending the evening with his mother and sisters was just as pleasant as he had anticipated, though twice as exhausting. After taking them out to dinner and putting up with his sisters' incessant questioning and endless stories, he felt it wise to bring them to the movies and let them settle down a bit. As tiring as they were, he was just as happy to see them as they were to see him.

Afterward, Louis brought them all back to the hotel and kept them company as they got settled in their rooms. He could tell by the way that his mother kept looking at him that she knew that something was off. In an effort to avoid setting of her motherly radar even further, he excused himself to go bed early, stating that he wanted to get plenty of rest before the big show tomorrow. After the predictable onslaught of hugs and kisses, he wished them all a good night and headed back to his room.

Just as he was unlocking the door, he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out and read the text from Zayn:

**hey, we're all in mine and Niall's room. Wanna come out?**

Louis hesitated briefly before responding:

**I would mate but I'm knackered. Might just head to bed if thats alright**

He never ended up getting a response, but he wasn't expecting one. He knew that Zayn would be bitter over the fact that he was clearly avoiding Liam, but it didn't matter what Zayn thought, nor did it matter how Louis felt about it. It was about doing what was best for Liam. 

As he climbed into bed, he comforted himself with the notion that Liam was with people who loved him; he was in good hands, regardless of the fact that Louis couldn't be there for him in the way that he desperately wished he could be.

With that and the upcoming performance on his mind, he drifted off to sleep.

*****************************

Louis was startled awake by the sound of the nightstand rattling beside him. He turned his head and squinted in the direction of the obnoxious droning sound, irritated to see that his phone was illuminated.

Angrily, he snatched at it and swiped the screen to answer, not bothering to look at who was calling at such an ungodly hour.

"H'lo?" he answered gruffly.

"Louis," came Harry's response, "come to Liam's room."

Louis eyes flew open. "Why, what's wrong?"

"He needs you," Harry said. "Can you just come?"

"Harry, I..." Louis hesitated. "Yeah, of course. I'll be right there."

He sprang up from the bed, grabbed his keycard off of the dresser, and bolted out the door. Scarcely remembering to breathe, he sprinted down the hallway to Liam's room, remembering at the last second that he no longer had a key.

He knocked frantically at the door and waited, listening intently for any sounds coming from inside.

"He's here, Liam," came Harry's gentle voice. "You hear that? He's here. I just need to let him in. Hold on... you're okay..."

Light footfalls approached the door before Harry opened it, stepping back right away to let Louis inside. Liam, who was sitting upright in bed with trembling hands held just in front of him, lifted his head at the sound of the door opening. His face was red and blotchy with the tears that still streamed down his cheeks. Louis was across the room in two giant strides, lowering himself onto the bed on Liam's right side.

"Hey, hey..." he soothed, placing a hand on Liam's back. "What happened?"

Liam collapsed heavily into Louis' arms, sobbing silently against his chest. Louis wrapped his arms protectively around the younger and looked up at Harry, his eyes wide with bewilderment.

"Nightmare," Harry said, sounding much calmer than he looked. "He was sleeping pretty restlessly, then he woke up hyperventilating."

Louis blinked back at Harry, then slowly lowered his gaze as he tightened his arms around Liam. "Was just a dream, Liam," he said soothingly, trailing his fingers along Liam's bare back. "You're safe."

Liam said nothing but continued crying quietly against Louis' shoulder.

Harry joined them on the bed, sitting down on Liam's other side. Resting his hand against the small of Liam's back, he lifted his eyes to connect with Louis. "It was you he called out for," he said quietly. "I tried to calm him... he just kept crying your name."

Louis felt Liam's grip tighten on his upper arm.

Louis immediately broke into a cold sweat. He had only been trying to protect Liam, not abandon him.

He swallowed thickly. "Liam," he asked softly, "do you... want some medicine?"

Liam shook his head against Louis' shoulder.

Louis leaned back against the headboard and pulled Liam in toward his chest, letting his weary eyes close.

**********************************

A light rustling roused Louis from his slumber. He slowly opened his heavy eyes, blinking until Harry's blurry figure came into focus near the doorway. He was putting his shoes on, apparently just getting ready to leave.

"..ntime izzit?" Louis mumbled sleepily.

Harry looked up, startled. "Hey," he whispered. "Sorry... didn't mean to wake you. Thought it best to let you two sleep in."

Louis' eyes flickered as he became aware of the warm weight on his chest. He looked down to find Liam curled up against him in precisely the position he had fallen asleep in. The gentle rising and falling of Liam's chest was alarmingly peaceful.

"It's noon," Harry said, answering Louis' question. "I was just going to head down to see the others... want me to wait for you?"

Louis' eyes had not left Liam's face. "I'm good right here," he said quietly.

Harry nodded. "I'll let you know what the plan is," he said. "Not sure when we're supposed to leave."

_Right. Performance day._

"Thanks, Haz," Louis said softly. "See you in a bit."

Harry slipped out, closing the door behind him as quietly as he could.

Louis had yet to take his eyes off of Liam. At some point, they would both need to get out of bed and start getting ready for the show, but Louis dreaded the notion of having to pull Liam from such a tranquil state. For the time being, he opted to give Liam the gift of extended sleep. While he always had Liam's best interest at heart, Louis couldn't help but feel painfully selfish for wanting to keep him in his arms for as long as possible.

He turned his head at the sound of a phone vibrating on the nightstand. He would have ignored it had it been his own, but it was Liam's. He glanced at the screen, his heart skipping a beat when he saw the name on the call display. As badly as he had wanted to avoid waking Liam, he thought it best for Liam to take the call.

"Liam," he said softly, tracing his fingers along Liam's shoulder.

Liam hummed gently, stirring in his sleep.

"Wake up, Liam," Louis said, picking up the phone and holding it in front of Liam. "Your mum's calling."

Liam slowly opened his eyes, squinting it confusion at the phone screen in front of him. After blinking a few times to adjust to the light, he seemed to come to his senses. He accepted the phone sleepily and swiped to answer.

"Hello?" he said groggily. "Hi, Mum... What? Yeah, I'm fine, just woke up... Yeah... really? Oh, all right. I'll... I'll come right down. Wait, can I shower first? ...Okay. Yeh, I love you, too. See you soon, Mum."

He put the phone down on the bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

"Everything all right?" Louis asked.

Liam lowered his hands and looked up, appearing slightly perplexed. Slowly, he seemed to realize where he was and whom he was with. "Umm... yeah," he said, pulling himself up to a sitting position. "Yeah... my parents are here. Just got in from the airport."

"Oh," Louis said. "They're here? At the hotel?"

"Yeah," Liam replied, hastily pulling away from Louis and clambering off of the bed. "Gonna go down and see them, but I'm gonna get... y'know, freshened up first."

"Of course," Louis said, straightening up in bed. "You do that. I'll... I'm gonna go get ready, too. I'll see you down there, yeah?"

"Right, yeah, see you then," Liam said hurriedly, keeping his gaze averted as he turned and made his way over to the bathroom. Louis' breath hitched at the brief glimpse that he caught of the bruises that painted Liam's side before he closed the door behind him.

Louis felt tears prickling at the back of his eyelids. Giving Liam some space had been _his_ idea, but knowing that Liam wanted nothing to do with him...

Sighing heavily, he dragged himself out of bed and back to his own room to get ready for the long day that awaited them.

**************************

After Louis stepped out of the shower, he found that he had gotten a message from Harry saying that Paul had encouraged them all to spend some time with their families. Louis' mother and sisters had flown in the night before so that the little ones would have a chance to recuperate from jet lag before the show, but the other families had just arrived that morning. The boys only had a few hours before they had to head to the venue before the performance, but it was rare for them to see their parents and siblings on tour, so they always tried to make the most of every moment that they had.

Louis took his mom and sisters around the city for a bit of sightseeing, which served to quell his nerves a bit for an hour or so, but when it came time to head to Madison Square, the anxiety began to mount. As grateful as he had been to spend part of the day with his family, he wished that he would have seen more of the boys so that he could have gotten an idea of how they were feeling. In particular, he desperately wanted to know how Liam was doing. Had he told his parents anything? Was he going to be okay to perform? Would he admit it if he wasn't?

Louis tried to ground himself by pretending that this day was like any other day, and the concert was like any other concert, so he needed to prepare for it as such.

When the taxi dropped Louis and his family off at the venue, he hugged them all tightly before hurrying in through the back entrance to find the others. He was immediately intercepted by Lou.

"There you are!" the stylist exclaimed. "Just in time."

Louis looked around. "I didn't know I was that late. Where is everyone?"

"The others have all been primped and polished, so they're just getting dressed and warming up," she said. "Now it's your turn."

"Can I just run and talk to them first?" Louis asked. 

"We're cutting it a bit close," Lou replied. "I'd rather get you ready before sending you off. It won't take long, I promise."

Reluctantly, Louis followed Lou into the dressing room and had a seat. She kept her word, though, styling his hair with impressive efficiency, then ushering him down the hall to join the others.

As per usual, the boys had all congregated in a single dressing room. Louis walked in to find Harry pacing up and down the right side of the room and Niall sitting on the couch, picking absentmindedly at his guitar. Zayn and Liam sat next to Niall, with Zayn rubbing Liam's shoulders. 

"Hey," Niall said, his eyes lighting up when Louis walked in. "What took you so long?"

"Lottie and Fizzy kept wanting to take pictures of everything in sight," Louis said, taking a seat at the edge of the coffee table. "Lost track of time."

"It's all good," Niall said. "Still got some time before we go on."

The twenty minutes or so that followed felt strange and foreign to Louis. The air was thick with a certain level of tension and uncertainty that was not normally present in the dressing room. Harry was keeping to himself, humming quietly to warm up his voice. Liam appeared intensely deep in thought, with his brow furrowed and his eyes fixated upon a spot on the floor. Zayn and Louis were also rather quiet, Louis uncharacteristically so. Niall could not seem to calm his nervous chatter, repeating over and over again that it was bound to be a good crowd and a good show.

Louis tried his hardest to read the lines on Liam's face. He felt so anxious on Liam's behalf, yet he couldn't even explain what it was that he feared the most. Was Liam really ready for this?

A light knock on the door caused all five boys to look up in unison.

"Yeah?" Zayn called out. 

Paul opened the door slowly and leaned in. "It's time, boys," he said. "Gotta come get your mics on."

Niall rose up from the couch. "Ready, lads?" he asked, glancing around at the other four.

"Let's do it," Harry said as the other three stood up and stretched.

Harry led the way out the door with Niall and Zayn following suit. Just as Louis was about to step out into the hallway, he was halted by someone seizing a hold of his arm. Startled, he turned around to find Liam staring back at him, his eyes bright.

"Liam," Louis said, alarmed. "What are you..."

Not letting go of Louis' arm, Liam reached for the door with his free hand. He closed it behind Zayn and turned the lock, leaving him and Louis alone in the dressing room.

"I need to talk to you," he said firmly.

Louis heart pounded. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice trembling. "What is it?" 

His eyes followed Liam's hands as they dropped to his sides, then snapped back up to his face. His breathing stuttered to a halt at the sight of the fire in Liam's eyes.

"You called it a mistake," Liam said, not breaking eye contact with Louis.

"I-I... yes," Louis faltered. "Liam, you don't understand how sorry I am! I was so caught up in the moment, and you had said that... and you were... it was so _wrong_ , Liam. You were so vulnerable, and I just..."

"A _mistake_ ," Liam repeated, the edge in his voice cutting into Louis like a dagger. "So you're telling me that it didn't mean anything?"

Louis stared back at Liam in stunned disbelief. With all of his efforts to protect Liam, to keep him from getting hurt... How had he been so horribly misunderstood?

"I... it..." he stuttered, the words catching in his throat. " _Fuck,_ Liam, of course it meant something!"

Liam's cheeks paled, his breathing growing frighteningly shallow. Fearing that he would faint, Louis instantly reached for Liam, somehow finding himself enveloped in Liam's arms with their lips crashing together.

Louis clutched helplessly at the fabric of Liam's shirt as his legs weakened beneath him, but Liam was steadying him with one hand pressed firmly against the small of Louis' back and the other buried in his hair. 

Throwing caution to the wind, Louis pulled Liam in as close as he could, kissing him feverishly because _fuck everything._ He needed Liam as much as Liam needed him. Forget keeping his distance, forget doing the right thing because nothing mattered if he didn't have Liam. In this moment, Louis felt no fear, no hurt, no uncertainty, just _Liam_.

They broke apart, gasping for breath, as the sound of a rattling door handle jerked them both back to reality.

"You all right, lads?" Niall called through the closed door. "We have to get out there."

They stared unblinkingly at each other, chests heaving, with Louis' slightly agape expression and squared stance mirroring Liam's.

There were so many questions on his mind, but there was only one that he was able to articulate.

"You ready?" he asked, swallowing hard.

Liam gulped, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, then nodded.

"Ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this update took me four months... I'm sorry.
> 
> The next chapter will ACTUALLY be the last.


End file.
